May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. — Romans 15:5,6

It’s all over the internet, and it’s a beautiful way for us to end our postings for 2011.

Just in case you missed it, enjoy the Military Wives Choir of England singing “Wherever You Are” on this official video:

There is also a YouTube video available which captures the performance of this amazing group of “ordinary” military wives for the Queen of England at the Royal Albert Hall on Remembrance Day, in which a British officer says, “They did all military wives proud!”

So I can’t help but wipe my tears and put my tissues aside. . . to add a few thoughts:

• This is a song of oneness. “Wherever you are, our hearts still beat as one.” It takes me to Genesis 2:24, God’s plan for marriage, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
• This is a song of calling. “I hold you in my dreams each night, until your task is done.” It takes me to Colossians 3:23, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”
• This is a song of perspective. “May your courage never cease.” Fighting for freedom takes much courage. It takes me to Galatians 5:1 remembering the courage of Jesus Christ who died for our freedom from the bondage of sin, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

Is “Wherever You Are” a spiritual song with a message about Jesus Christ? No, probably not. But it is a picture of the things I wrote about in Excellent or Praiseworthy on December 8, 2011, “People Are Watching You – The Gift of Our Military”:  “The qualities of unity, nobility, bravery, courage, sacrifice, justice, ethics, hope, authenticity, patience, kindness, persistence, valor, humor, competence, purity, obedience, hospitality, integrity, gratitude, generosity, duty, perseverance, concern, humility, submission, mercy, servant leadership, honor, resilience, discipline, perspective, responsibility, teamwork, help, grace, compassion, faith, professionalism, trust, confidence, self-control, forgiveness, strength, maturity, wisdom, brotherhood . . . are the righteous values which our Lord and Savior had in full measure and to which we are called.”

Wherever you are. . . whether active duty (Guard or Reserve) military, a military spouse, or a military child . . . we salute you and thank you for your service. You reflect the values and qualities in sacrifice and excellence which we admire . . . and which point us to the true Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ, Who is The Light of the World.

Benediction for 2011: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Questions to Share:

1. Looking back over 2011, what courage did you demonstrate which could have only come through the Holy Spirit?

2. As you face the unknown challenges of 2012, pray for each other—for oneness, calling, and perspective.

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

I’ve been working on this writing for at least five years. And it’s not done yet.

But for Christmas this year I wanted to put down in writing, on “cyber-paper,” what I have lived and observed for most of my adult life. It’s what I love about our military . . . the people, the mission, the life.

The truth is . . . as members of the United States military, people are watching you. In the airports, in the community, in churches, and on TV, people see you who are in uniform, and your families, and admire you:

1. They are watching your family teamwork. A military family and circle of friends takes care of each other in the good times and the bad. Especially when you’re overseas, friends become “family.” People see this and admire the sense of unity.
2. They are watching your sense of purpose. There is a “calling” and significance in what you do . . . it’s not just another “job.” People see this and admire the sense of nobility.
3. They are watching the way you honor others. You celebrate the history of your service branch; you tell the stories of those who have gone before you in battle; you salute; you give awards to those who serve well; you remember. People see this and admire the sense that bravery and courage are valued.
4. They are watching the way you die. Some things are worth dying for—and freedom is one of those things. People see this and admire your sacrifice.
5. They are watching your compassion. You layer your body with fighting equipment but stop to pick up a child or animal that needs your help. You respond to emergencies around the world providing help to those who are helpless. People see this and admire your deep compassion.
6. They are watching your competence.  You have developed skills through training and practice with which to accomplish tasks which others dream they could do.  You seek excellence.  People see this and are inspired.
7. They are watching your submission to leadership. Respect is given in your ranks. It’s what makes a unit work smoothly, without renegade immaturity. People see this and admire your humility.
8. They are watching your leadership. True leaders are servants, and their character is pure. At every level in the military there are leaders, and that takes training and commitment to people and the mission. People see this and admire your professionalism.
9. They are watching your flexibility. You are willing to move from place to place  . . . even respond to orders in a short period of time. You hold things loosely and refuse to bind yourself to things which hinder service. You come up with solutions to problems which arise with little or no warning. People see this and admire your trust and confidence.
10. They are watching your discipline and responsibility. Your word means something. You are prompt and fit. People see this and admire your self-control.
11. They are watching your sacrificial living. You don’t merely survive in tough times—you strive to thrive. You are over-comers!  Your family faces deployment with faith. People see this and admire your strength and perseverance.
12. They are watching your perspective.  You understand that “in the great scheme of things” a day, a month, a year are not as important as developing relationships and nations. People see this and admire your mature focus.
13. They are watching how you fight. Going to war takes planning and weapons, knowing the schemes of the enemy, and protecting yourself and your resources with proper armor and equipment. People see this and admire your wisdom.
14. They are watching your patience.  Years of training. . . and then waiting . . . and more training.  Waiting for shipments, housing, promotions, orders, appointments, re-deployment.  In this age of instant gratification, people see this and admire your patience.
15. They are watching your camaraderie. In this “dog eat dog” world, they see how you work together and serve others . . . and how veterans look back on their memories of military service . . . and they admire your brotherhood.

Are there spiritual lessons in this list?? You bet. It is no surprise to me that I have found many Christians serving in the military. The qualities of unity, nobility, bravery, courage, sacrifice, justice, ethics, hope, authenticity, patience, kindness, persistence, valor, humor, competence, purity, obedience, hospitality, integrity, gratitude, generosity, duty, perseverance, concern, humility, submission, mercy, servant leadership, honor, resilience, discipline, perspective, responsibility, teamwork, help, grace, compassion, faith, professionalism, trust, confidence, self-control, forgiveness, strength, maturity, wisdom, brotherhood . . . are the righteous values which our Lord and Savior had in full measure and to which we are called.

On this Christmas, thank you for your service to our country . . . and to our Lord.

Questions to Share:

1. Are there any other attributes which you would add to this list? Please comment and let me know.
2. Which virtues on this list have you seen demonstrated in the military? Which ones do you believe you demonstrate?
3. Thank your spouse for those character qualities which you know they have and use.

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. – Colossians 4:6

I’ve made a list of things people hate to hear when their spouse is deployed. Perhaps you could add to this list, but these are the statements about which I’ve heard complaints:

“I’m sorry.”
“I know how you feel. I was a single mom.”
“I know how you feel. My husband was away on business last month.”
“I don’t know how you do it!”
“Stay busy—it’ll go quickly.”
“You knew what you were in for when you married into the military.”
“At least he’s not in Afghanistan” or “At least he’s not in Iraq.”
“I watch ‘Army Wives’, so I know what you are going through.”
“At least it’s only six months and not fifteen months, like I went through.”
“At least you don’t have any kids (or have a job or fill in the blank) and have all that extra work.”

Honestly, and I think you would agree, most folks are just trying to “connect” with you. They don’t know what to say, so they feel the need to say something—and it just comes out wrong. We’ve all done it and lived to regret what we’ve said when the tables were turned and we knew better.

So what do we say when we’re wanting to encourage someone whose spouse is far away in service to our country? What would be gracious—not seeking to assume or compare what that person is going through? I’ve “collected” ten ideas from which to choose and modify—and of course will be willing to add more, if you will make suggestions. Here they are:

“Thank you for your service to our country, and to our Lord.”
“How can I pray for you?”
“I admire your courage and sacrifice. You have my deepest respect and appreciation.”
“What can I do to help you in a practical way?”
“The world is a better place because of what your family is doing.”
“You represent what is good in our country.”
“Your children are also serving, and we appreciate that.”
“It is because of your bravery that we are able to live in freedom and security.”
“Thank you for your commitment to bring freedom to nations who desperately need it.”
“Your sacrifice and service is not in vain. We will remember what you did.”

Perhaps you think these responses are “too wordy”, and a sincere “thank you” would warm your heart if your spouse was deployed. But other ExcellentOrPraiseworthy readers might ponder them in order to be prepared for a good response when faced with the opportunity to encourage.

But let’s consider this from the flip-side . . . what do we graciously say to someone after they have said something which could have hurt our feelings? Don’t we want to be mature in our attitudes, understanding that others could not possibly understand what we are going through?

Let me include two wonderful quotes from two military wives whom I admire—to help in this effort. Sara Horn writes in “With a Little Help from My Friends” from Military Spouse magazine (June 2010):

“Civilian was ‘they’ and military was ‘me.’ ‘They’ actually tried equating their husbands’ business trips to my husband’s trip to the sandbox: so not the same thing. I was a military wife. Well, suddenly-military wife would be a more accurate term. Guard and Reserve spouses are suddenly thrown into a military existence when their service members deploy. And suddenly-military wives can be prone to seeing everything through one filter: the ‘My Life Has Changed Forever and No One Has a Clue” filter . . . . But hindsight, they say, is 20/20 . . . . I finally realized I had placed a whole bunch of expectations on them—standards and beliefs that weren’t necessarily fair . . . .” (p. 62)

Another perspective—because we need perspective in handling deployments with grace—is from my all-time favorite military-wife-book Footsteps of the Faithful by Denise McColl when she was a young mother of five, and wife of a submariner. She wrote:

“ ‘I don’t know how you do this with five young children. . .’ people often say. And each time my response can either be a trite and nonchalant, ‘Well, it isn’t all that bad . . .’ or a spiteful ‘I don’t know how I do this either! He’s sure going to make up for this when he gets home!’ Or it could be (and this takes both boldness and humility), ‘Well, I’m only doing this by God’s grace, as Jesus does a good work through me. When I don’t listen to Him and obey, I can say for certain that I don’t do a very good job at this at all . . .’” (p. 137)

The truth is that there is only one who can truly understand what we are going through—one who has experienced all pain and loneliness—Jesus Christ. It is to Him we must run when we have our feelings hurt, when we are overwhelmed, or misunderstood. Running to anyone or anything else . . . . will eventually disappoint, or worse—ruin.

Respected Bible teacher, Jill Briscoe, commented on this foundational truth when her husband, Stuart, was traveling for an extended period of time: “Years ago I stopped looking to anyone but God to satisfy me. There is no man that can love me enough. No child that can need me enough. No job that can pay me enough. And no experience that can satisfy me enough. Only Jesus.”

In conclusion, I like what Oswald Chambers, the author of My Utmost for His Highest, had to say about this subject.  He was a chaplain in World War I, serving in the camps near the front lines in Egypt.  In his writings on Job 8:7-10 he says, “Over and over again during this war men have turned to prayer. . . . The biggest thing you can do for those who are suffering is not to talk platitudes, not to ask questions, but to get into contact with God, and the ‘greater works’ will be done by prayer (see John 14:12-13).  Job’s friends never once prayed for him . . . .”

Pray for each other.  Pray for yourself.  Pray for those who want to help, and say the right thing, but just don’t know how.  Pray to grow close to Jesus.

Work cited:

Chambers, Oswald, The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers (Grand Rapids: Discovery House Publishers, 2000), p. 56.

Horn, Sara, “With a Little Help From My Friends,” Military Spouse, June, 2010, p. 62.

McColl, Denise, Footsteps of the Faithful (Orlando: Campus Crusade for Christ, 1994), p. 137.

Jill Briscoe quoted from Alistair Begg’s Truth for Life broadcast “Contentment or Corruption, Part Two, B”, August 11, 2010.

Questions to Share:

1. What has someone said to you when your spouse was deployed that really encouraged you?  Why was that particularly helpful?

2. How can you best encourage each other as a couple while you are geographically separated during deployment?

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
—Colossians 3:23,24

Years ago I knew a “Rosie the Riveter.” She was my husband’s grandmother, now deceased, who had proudly and courageously served during World War II in a factory which manufactured aircraft near Dallas/Ft. Worth. Her life was very difficult—she was a widow whose oldest son had enlisted in the Army, leaving her with the need for a decent income in order to care for her daughter during the years of rationing and national sacrifices.

Jobs were plentiful then for women who were willing to work in factories—not a common job for mothers in the years prior to WWII. But with so many men off at war it became necessary for companies to look to American women to fill the vacancies. Conditions were tough and the pay was not always equal to what the men had made. . . .but for many it was their patriotism which kept them going until their husbands and sons returned home to once again fill labor pools throughout the land.

Some say that the work force has never been the same—that the entrance of women into traditionally male-dominated jobs brought lasting changes with the attitude of “We Can Do It!” displayed in this 1942 poster. No doubt this poster, and others like it, accomplished the purpose of recruiting large numbers—as many as 11 million—women to work on assembly lines so vital to our national defense.

The woman depicted in this “Rosie the Riveter” iconic wartime poster, Geraldine Hoff Doyle, died a few weeks ago (Dec 26, 2010) in Michigan at the age of 86. Her obituary ran in newspapers across the U.S., catching my attention because of the familiarity of the poster in military memorabilia. Geraldine’s (Rosie is a fictitious name) bandana-wearing image was made famous by a United Press photographer at a Lansing, Michigan, factory where she worked for a brief time early in the war. Her picture was then used by an artist hired by the Westinghouse Company’s War Production Coordinating Committee in order to create posters for the war effort. She married Dr. Leo Doyle in 1943 and worked in his dental office, while raising their six children, until she was 75 years old. To me she represents many hard-working women who rallied behind their nation and their families to do what was needed during a difficult time in our history.

Isn’t that what families do? Today we see spouses courageously caring for their children during extended times of wartime separation from their military loved ones, filling in the gaps with faithful attention. We see grandparents caring for young children because both active-duty parents are deployed. We see Guardsmen and Reservists leaving behind good jobs to fulfill an obligation with distinction. We see husbands and wives sacrificing precious years because they believe in the cause of freedom for nations which could never gain it on their own—and who believe that our beloved country must be protected from an enemy which few understand. While not all across our land realize the legacy of shared sacrifice, veterans and their families can all speak to the importance of the values of duty, honor and country.

Families in every war have sacrificed, and certainly that is true in this global war on terror. Keeping “hope on the home front” in order to preserve our national unity and purpose is a familiar calling in our military community. As we begin 2011, we thank God for each and every one of you who is serving sacrificially in ways we will never know.

You are heroes.

Work Cited:

McLellan, Dennis, “Geraldine Hoff Doyle (1924-2010) Reportedly Inspired Famous Wartime Poster,” Daily Press, December 31, 2010.

“Rosie the Riveter” found on wikikpedia.org

Questions to Share:

1. What sacrifices have veterans in your family made in years before your current military service?
2. What legacy would you like to leave for future generations in terms of your military service?

Righteous are You, O LORD, and Your laws are right. The statutes You have laid down are righteous; they are fully trustworthy. . . .Your promises have been thoroughly tested, and Your servant loves them. — Psalm 119:137,138,140

We were in a sparsely-populated area of Maine last week having dinner at a local cafe, and had the privilege of talking with our waitress about her current experience with deployment. Her husband is a Guardsman serving now in a remote area of Afghanistan with limited internet access. These “unexpected” conversations during our travels never surprise us, as we find military families everywhere. With Guard and Reserve units pulling 52% of rotations to the Middle East, you don’t have to be close to a base or post to have military in your midst. Right?

One thing we heard from this wife was her commitment to writing and sending her husband letters. Hand-written letters. Some would say this is a lost art in our culture of emails, instant messaging, Facebook, and texting. . . .but the truth is that there is something uniquely special about writing, and receiving, a letter from the one you love. It works.

This young lady told us that it had been a slow day on the job, and she had been able to write a four-page letter to her sweetheart—something that she tried to do often. My husband advised her, with a smile and the voice of experience, to number her envelopes (something we learned in the Vietnam War days) in case the postal system got the letters delivered out of sequence. You’ll have to trust us on this one—numbering can help eliminate confusion and misunderstandings. We knew that this husband, far away from the woods of Maine, was savoring these loving letters delivered during “mail call.”

Don’t get me wrong, our family is all for modern technology—from Skype to internet to cell phones. But we are also seeing more and more the advantage of that personal card, letter, or package. Just yesterday I mailed a package containing a cassette recorder, microphone, and cassette tapes to our son’s family overseas so that they can record Daddy reading favorite books to the children—and the children can record messages for their Dad while he is deployed. No doubt this can be accomplished with an MP3 player and the proper software, but the old cassette recorder just works so easily. Forty-plus years ago it was a new-fangled device, but it still works during war-time deployments. I remember many a lonely evening in a remote town in Oklahoma popping in those cassettes just to hear my husband’s voice—and he did the same in Southeast Asia. It works.

What else works? What are some of “the old ways” that a couple can stay connected during deployment?

— Reading the Bible “together”—both of you with a One-Year Bible which you already have, or pick out together. Then you can write about what you read that touched you that day (or whenever you can). After all, isn’t God’s word His love letter to us? On May 8, 2008, we posted an EorP devotional entitled “WWII and Beyond—A Story of Commitment.” In it we wrote about Louise and Eugene, separated for 3½ years during World War II after having been married for just 2 days at Ft. Stewart. They wrote each other about what they read in the Bible that day. They remained married for almost sixty years until Eugene’s death. It worked.

— Reading devotionals “together”—we are seeing a return to the classics, “My Utmost for His Highest” and “Streams in the Desert.” We love the new devotionals (especially online!), but there’s something about reading from a book that has stood the test of time. If you both have a copy there is material for sharing from a deep level. It works.

— Picking a prayer time each day—knowing that there is a certain time each day (in the morning, at meal-times, before bed) when your family member is praying for you is very comforting and encouraging. One of my favorite devotional books is Battlefields & Blessings: Stories of Faith and Courage from the Civil War. In it are letters from moms, dads, chaplains, soldiers, children, pastors, generals, sisters, brothers, uncles, friends . . . . . telling their stories of faith in the midst of war. A recurring theme in these 365 letters is the prayers that they have for one another—and how they count on those prayers to get them through the hardships of the day. It worked.

— Carrying that special photograph—make sure that your spouse has your favorite photo—one you have picked for them to have or carry. Maybe it’s one of the two of you in a memorable location, or at a special event . . . something that will bring happy memories along with the enduring look. It works.

— If you can’t correspond in any way (especially submariners), keep a journal—it’s an old way, but a good way, of staying connected. Our couple in Her Favorite Christmas Present (EorP posting on December 28,2009) is a dual-military couple and they are now both deployed. They learned before how valuable the journals were, and they are using them this time, too. It works.

— Read a book together—we have heard of couples reading The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan together during deployment. I have found the chapter entitled “The Pilgrims Deal with Giant Despair” to be particularly relevant during deployment challenges. First published in 1678, it’s a “classic among classics,” and not beyond the children joining in the project. The second-most-popular book of all times, next to the Bible, there is wisdom in this allegory which will provide spiritual discussion for all ages. It works.

Perhaps you can think of some other “oldies but goodies”—methods of communication and spiritual growth which worked then and still work today. Be encouraged—be challenged—and don’t waste this time which can be used to His glory!

Questions to Share:

1. Which of these eight ideas above have you used in the past to communicate with your loved ones? Share with each other what worked. . . .

2. Which of these ideas would you like to try during this deployment? What would it take to get that started?