I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. — Psalm 27:13,14

What if my husband is injured? What if my wife . . . ?

During war the “what ifs” can become reality.  It is then that “for better or for worse” means something beyond what we imagined on our wedding day.

Perhaps you’ve been following the recovery of Travis Mills on www.travismills.org

Like Travis Mills, our wounded warriors are heroes—every one of them. And their families are heroes with the courage and grace to fight for and with their loved ones for recovery and rehabilitation. Families like Travis’ are an inspiration to us all.

Although not the story of a brave military couple, Ian & Larissa Murphy’s story is equally inspirational:

In the video you see Ian and Larissa reading from John Piper’s book This Momentary Marriage. Here are some of the quotes that perhaps this couple has taken to heart:

“. . in marriage you live hour by hour in glad dependence on God’s forgiveness and justification and promised future grace, and you bend it out toward your spouse hour by hour—as an extension of God’s forgiveness and justification and promised help.” (p. 43)

“One of the emphases so far in this book has been that staying married is not mainly about staying in love, but about keeping covenant. . . Keeping first things first makes second things better. Staying in love isn’t the first task of marriage. It is a happy overflow of covenant-keeping for Christ’s sake.” (p. 74)

“So marriage is like a metaphor or an image or a picture or a parable or a model that stands for something more than a man and a woman becoming one flesh. It stands for the relationship between Christ and the church. That’s the deepest meaning of marriage. It’s meant to be a living drama of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and the church. (p. 75)

Larissa Murphy shares with us on her blog some thoughts which are equally profound but very personal regarding her life with her husband, Ian:

A friend who was a primary caregiver for his wife with cancer and participated in Ian and Larissa’s wedding told her, “’You will never regret loving this much.’” Larissa added that unlike this dear man, and many couples, “we didn’t face sickness when we were grandparents. We started there. And it was severe.” “Marrying Ian meant that I was signing on to things that I don’t think I ever would’ve chosen for myself—. . . But in light of all the practicals, and emotionals, it was so very simple: we love each other. And we love God. And we believe He is a sovereign and loving God who rules all things.” (“Why We Got Married”)

“I didn’t know contentment in my prosperity—contentment then meant health and ease, not God. God has not given us an indication that Ian will be fully healed here, which means that we have needed to enlist ourselves in our suffering. We still pray for complete healing, but we also pray for strength to endure a life-long disability. We are learning that contentment is produced as we obey and act on His promises, like the one mentioned above, ‘I can do all things through him who strengthens me.’” (“Learning Contentment in Suffering”)

Military marriages know much of loneliness, sacrifice, perspective and unselfishness. Perhaps these stories are ones of encouragement to you. Perhaps they are an inspiration.

Whatever they are, we believe that they are of God, and are excellent and praiseworthy. To God be the glory.

Work Cited:

Piper, John. This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence (Wheaton: Crossway Books, 2009).

Questions to Share:

1. In what ways has your marriage been one of sacrifice? How have you seen God encourage you in the midst of sacrificial living?
2. Who has inspired you in your military marriage? What was it that was an inspiration to you?

Then He said to them all: “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will save it.” —Luke 9:23,24

I was intrigued by the title of the book I saw in my local bookstore, probably because of its shock value. The title was How to Ruin Your Life by 40, and written by a favorite author of mine, Steve Farrar. I knew there would be something valuable in this book for me, for many reasons.

And since I’m especially bad about reading the end of a book first (so I know how it turns out—if it’s worth reading) . . . I was particularly grabbed by a closing section in the book entitled “The Greatest Fear.” Could you guess what this author believes is “the greatest fear?”. . .

“It is common knowledge that the greatest fear of men and women today is the fear of death. It usually appears as number one on top ten lists of people’s greatest fears. This is understandable. We do not know when our last breath will be or for what reason it will cease, and this hanging ignorance of the end leaves many in a lingering tension. But there is one fear that always fails to make the top ten lists, and yet, it may be the biggest fear of all: It is the fear of dying to one’s self.” (p. 131)

Certainly as military members we are sensitive to the subject of death and dying. We understand sacrifice. We are prepared, or as Christians we should be. But the daily burden of unselfish living—putting others’ needs above our own in every circumstance—how exactly do we do that? That is called “dying to self,” and I think the author has a good point in raising this matter as a “fear.”

Years ago Bible scholar and pastor/teacher Dr. John MacArthur taught about “dying to self” in a sermon from his daily radio program, “Grace to You.”  He said that his favorite teaching on the subject was a lengthy paragraph from an anonymous writer—and he kept it on his desk as a daily reminder of what Jesus calls us to do in Luke 9:23,24, “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will save it.” I telephoned Dr. MacArthur’s staff after hearing this teaching—it challenged me to the core—and they emailed me what he said over the radio . . . which I will pass on to you:

“When you are forgotten or neglected or purposely set at naught, and you sting and hurt with the insult of the oversight, but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer for Christ—that is dying to self. When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient loving silence—that is dying to self. When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, or any annoyance, when you can stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility, and endure it as Jesus endured it—that is dying to self. When you are content with any food, any offering, any raiment, any climate, any society, any attitude, any interruption by the will of God—that is dying to self. When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or itch after commendation, when you can truly love to be unknown—that is dying to self. When you see your brother prosper and have his needs met and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances—that is dying to self. When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself, can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart—that is dying to self.” —Anonymous

Whoa! I’m afraid I just can’t do that!! I know I can’t do that, and am afraid I will disappoint those who think I can! I’m afraid when the time comes, when unselfishness is absolutely required of me—that I will fail miserably! I’m afraid to admit there are desires within me which take precedence over the needs of others and obedience to my faith! Count me in—I’m afraid of the requirements of “dying to self!”

But the promise of Scripture is if I die to myself, that Christ actually lives in me—and with Christ nothing is impossible! Maybe there’s hope for me! Galatians 2:20 reads, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” So with Christ living in me, I might actually be able to demonstrate the impossible—I might actually be able to demonstrate His “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22,23)

Staying in the book of Galatians we read, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:24, 25) And further teaching on this is in Romans 6, for example in Romans 6:11: “In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” I am set free not only from the power of sin and guilt, but also set free from the fear of “dying to self.” It is in dying to my own selfish nature that I am alive in the power of the Holy Spirit to truly live, to truly love.

What does this have to do with deployment? Everything. In and of ourselves we will not be able to stand up under the extreme demands of fighting this global war on terror. We will focus on the unfairness of it all. We will fear the unknown. We will let anger have the day, and we will take it all out on our spouse—the one we are supposed to love the most.

It is only in the power of the Holy Spirit, living in us, that we will have the ability to conquer bitterness, fear, anger . . . selfishness. And by thinking of our spouse and their struggles we can encourage them during this time of separation. We are set free to serve one another in love—even when apart. We can ask the tough questions, like “How are you today?” “Do you know how much I love you?” “How can I pray for you?” And in doing that we are facing our fear . . . the fear of dying to self. And having faced that fear, we can truly begin to live.

Work cited:

Farrar, Steve, How to Ruin Your Life by 40 (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2006)

Questions to Share:

1. Do you believe that, in your marriage, you have been successful at living out Philippians 2:3,4: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

2. During this deployment, how can you serve your spouse in love, considering their needs?

Excellent or Praiseworthy is posted on Monday and Thursday nights.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’S great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. — Lamentations 3:21-23

When I face some new challenge in my life—even potentially scary—one thing I seek to do is to gain perspective. The ground under me might be shaking, but I’m trying to hang onto something solid . . . . something that will help me to make sense of it, help me to remember that I’m not alone, help me to realize that it’s not forever. You know—perspective.

This Mother’s Day I join the ranks of millions of mothers who have gone before me, saying good-by to their sons and daughters and sending them off to war. Today my son is deploying to Afghanistan.

In the past I have seen my brother off to the jungles of southeast Asia—and my husband off to the airfields of the same. Later, good-byes became common during our military career (love those Hellos!) . . . . but I had always heard that feelings are different when it is your child leaving. I think that’s true. I need perspective.

So here are some of the things that I remember when I try to steady myself with some solid perspective:

1. Our God is sovereign and He is good. The Bible teaches that it is our triune God who rules and whose power is always and ultimately good. Because I love Him, and submit to His plan, I trust Him to love and care for my son in foreign lands. I believe God answers prayer, and we will continue to pray unceasingly throughout this deployment. When I remember this, it helps.

2. The many times my husband and I were geographically separated—during wartime and peace-time, God faithfully provided comfort and strength for us. I can look back at all of the “crises” we endured through those years and can see the hand of God as He guided us through every situation. When I remember this, it helps.

3. I grew emotionally and spiritually the most during the tough times in our marriage—even during deployment. It was during just such a lonely time that I became a Christian! I can’t make this deployment “easy” for our son and his family, but I do know that they will grow in faith as they will lean on God for courage, strength, and endurance. When I remember this, it helps.

4. Our national cause is just. Fighting the global war on terror is necessary, and all of you who are battling the terrorist enemy are providing the hope of security in a very insecure world. Nations are being built . . . . freedom established where there was none. Future generations have you to thank for maintaining order in these tumultuous times. When I remember this, it helps.

5. Our military units are well-trained and well-equipped. My son and his unit have been training for this for years. They are ready. He is ready. And his unit has been careful to prepare the families for the deployment separation—which is something I really appreciate. The leadership has made sure that paperwork, communication, supplies and plans are in place and in order. When I remember this, it helps.

6. Our son has tremendous support. Their church, base, unit, neighborhood, friends and relatives . . . . are all standing by to help he and his precious family in every possible way. I have already mailed off his first batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies, and no doubt there will be many more care packages sent by me and others. When I remember this, it helps.

7. Lastly, it helps when I remember that other mothers have been through this in the past . . . . and their words encourage me. I particularly enjoy reading the letters written during former wars. A favorite collection of 365 wartime letters is found in Battlefields & Blessings: Stories of Faith and Courage from The Civil War.

Here are some of the letters or diary entries written by mothers (North and South) in the Civil War:

“ . . . . and I fervently implore my God and my Redeemer to protect and save you in the day of battle, and to encourage your heart and hearts of our commander and all of our noble company, and to strengthen your arms for the conflict . . .” p. 158

“ . . . . it is a consolation to believe that my sons are in the hands of a merciful God. I hope and pray that they may be permitted to return home, if consistent with the Lord’s will, I pray to God every day in their behalf, it is a trial to me, but I pray that our Country may enjoy peace and be independent.” p. 167

“I think too much of my sorrows and too little of my blessings, truly God has been very kind to me, and though he has sent trials to me, yet how do I know but that if it had not been for them I should never have tested the sweetness of God’s mercy.” p. 275

And I also love this diary entry recorded on Sunday, April 3, 1862, by a private in the 100^th Pennsylvania Volunteers. This young man’s mother raised a fine son:

“Slept very little last night, although it continued to rain. Woke about daylight, took up my Bible and read awhile before I got up. I make it a rule to read a portion of scripture every day, although I cannot have any set time; have to be guided by circumstances in a great measure, but always try if possible to read a chapter just before going to sleep. It would be very hard indeed to endure the separation from those that are dear were it not for the consciousness of being in the line of duty, and that God Rules; and that he doeth all things well. Oh how comforting the thought that we have such a God to go to . . . .” p. 101

Mother’s Day is a special time to remember—our own mothers, our dear children, our good friends, our great nation, and our faithful God. We have much for which to be grateful. When I remember this, it helps—and I have perspective and hope.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”  — Psalm 91:1,2

Work cited:

Tuley, Terry, Battlefields & Blessings: Stories of Faith and Courage from The Civil War (Chattanooga: Living Ink Books, 2006)

Questions to Share:

1. What encourages you during deployment?

2. With your experience, how can you encourage others who are facing deployment?

“Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” — Acts 4:12

“I have concluded that when it comes right down to it, there is really only one thing I as a pastor have to offer my congregation—and only one thing that the church has to offer the world. In my role as a pastor people come to me with all sorts of problems, but I confess: I am a physician with but one medicine to prescribe, and that is the gospel of Christ.  It may need to be applied in various ways, various aspects of it may need to receive the right emphasis, and it may need to be administered in the right form. But only the gospel of Jesus Christ can heal the deepest wounds of the human heart and enable us to prosper according to God’s design, bringing glory to our Lord.” Dr. Bill Kynes of Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church, Annandale, VA

This is a powerful quote, posted on The Gospel Coalition blog last week. Thank you, Dr. Kynes, for speaking truth to all of us.

It took me back to a worship service my husband and I attended near a military base in a remote region of Italy two years ago. The dear pastor was faithful to preach that one message, “one medicine”, to a group worshipping together but representing many national languages and backgrounds, many ages and ranks, and many needs.

At the end of the service, with one voice, we sang “In Christ Alone,” but in Italian. Knowing the words in English, it was all the more powerful to me because I could tell from the expressions of those around me–from Africa, from Europe, from the U.S.–that they knew exactly what they were singing.

Click here to view the video on YouTube.

These are the lyrics to what hymn writer Keith Getty says tells “the story of the whole Gospel”:

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev’ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow’r of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand.

So today, no matter your stage of deployment, no matter the condition of your marriage, no matter the decade of your life . . . we proclaim that you can stand on the one powerful name of Jesus Christ.

“For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen” — Romans 11:36

Work Cited: “In Christ Alone” Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend, Copyright © 2001 Kingsway Thankyou Music on www.gettymusic.com

Questions to Share:

1.  If you have never heard the gospel of Jesus Christ, go to 4spirituallaws.com.  Based on the truth that we are all sinners and in need of a savior, what decision did you make concerning faith in Jesus Christ?

2.  If you are saved by the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ, share with each other what part of the song particularly spoke to your heart today.

Editor’s Note: We are pleased and honored to introduce a new writer to Excellent or Praiseworthy—Mary Katharine Davenport. You can read more of Mary Katharine’s writings on her blog, FiveGirlsTheArmyAndMe.blogspot.com.

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. — Psalm 90:12

It is almost 4pm. I have about six minutes before nap-time is over. I should be elated that another day is quickly evading me. That’s something to get excited about, right? That means just one more day closer to my husband coming home, right? Right.

But you know the funny thing about deployment is that while I am so ready for it to be over, I am not willing to just let life go in the process. Life is too precious to just sit around and wait for it to pass . . . even if the waiting is for something as great as a soldier coming home from war.

I am so ready, yes, so ready to get this deployment over with. BUT, I want to make the most of our days here and be successful . . . accomplish things and be a good steward of our time while he is away. I want to fight my battles and end this deployment with wins, rather than losses.

My battles? Yes, while I don’t sleep in a tent on a cot that collapses in the middle when I sit on it to tie my boots, and while I don’t walk to work and to a cold shower in 3 degree temperatures (just to name a few “fun” current issues), I do have battles that I face on the home front. Battles that leave me drained and weary and frustrated many, many days.

Today I won a lot of those battles, but I feel so beat up by the combat that victory seems anything but victorious. Today was (and I know it’s far from over at this point) one of those days that “on paper” was victorious, but emotionally it was just so draining.

Today was “Doughnuts with Dad” for our daughter’s class.
Another daughter had her first orthodontist appointment today.
I called Veritas and had my first conversation for the High School Honors Program (homeschooling just got a lot more expensive!)
I still could not get my middle daughter to sweep the floor.
I forgot to eat breakfast and ate lunch standing up, again.
When the teacher told her class to not forget about “Doughnuts with Dad” tomorrow, my girl said, “Everyone has a Dad. But mine’s in Affastan.” Her teacher asked me “Is her Grandpa going to come?” As much as I tried, I couldn’t help but have tears roll down my cheeks.

When I sat down to check my email, there was one from my husband with the subject line “42.” When I opened it up, I found this:

Psalm 42

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
among the festive throng.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Yes, today the battle was won here on the home front.

And while I am emotionally drained, I am reminded where my help comes from and in whom I should put my hope. I am drained, but I am thankful for my battles and am thankful for my soldier and I will praise my God always. I am thankful for a husband who always seems to know just what I need, and I am thankful that God puts me in situations that keep me close to Him.

I am thankful for our days . . . even when they are draining and even when they are spent with our family on opposite parts of the world, separated by war.

My hope is not in the end of this deployment, but in God.

To Him be the glory.

Questions to Share:

1. At the end of the day, can you declare victory over some of life’s battles? Share with each other the resolution of some struggles you have had.

2. How have you encouraged your spouse as this husband did with Scripture emailed to his wife?

I trust in the mercy of God forever and ever. I will praise You forever, Because You have done it; And in the presence of Your saints I will wait on Your name, for it is good. — Psalm 52:8,9

The family was hit with tragic news—so unbelievable and unexpected, and particularly difficult for his wife. As the spiritual leader, this husband knew there were steps he must take in order to get his family through the crisis.  He cried, “Lord, help!”

Those steps would have to be steps of faith—because there was no seeing the “whys”, “hows”, and “what ifs.” All of that was beyond understanding . . . with no idea what God was doing. But his Christian faith was strong . . . so he was willing to take the first and certain steps of faith in order to lead his family with gentleness and power, a remarkable combination.

Oswald Chambers, the great theologian from the early 1900s and author of the devotional My Utmost for His Highest, presents a strong challenge to those facing similar trials: “When we are in fear we can do nothing less than pray to God, but our Lord has a right to expect that those who name His name should have an understanding confidence in Him. God expects His children to be so confident in Him that in any crisis they are the reliable ones . . . it is when a crisis arises that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely. If we have been learning to worship God and to trust Him, the crisis will reveal that we will go to the breaking point and not break in our confidence in Him.” Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest, August 12th

The husband did have a desire to lead with confidence and trust in God, but his own emotions were close to the breaking point. Watching him take these seven steps of faith revealed to us his reliance on God, and his confidence did not break:

1.  He knew this would be a journey of faith and it would not be clear what the outcome would be. Acknowledging his helplessness was the first step, and the husband did this humbly in prayer, citing: “We live by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7) and “. . . faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1).
2. Next, the husband knew he must go to the source of faith for strength to face the day and the days to come. He had no strength on his own—drained by circumstances.  So the second step was to decide to spend time in God’s word: “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.” (Romans 10:17) Knowing that the path would be long and hard, he believed the scriptural truth, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.” (Psalm 119:105)
3. The third step was to meditate on the Scriptures which stated what he was sure of. Emotions in his family were bordering on total confusion, so he focused on what he knew to be certain: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear . . .” (Psalm 46:1,2)  “My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise renews my life.” (Psalm 119:50)  “I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1,2)  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)  “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”  (Lamentations 3:21-23)  He wrote Scripture on index cards to refer to during times of weakness—which came, but less and less as time went on.
4. The husband knew that step four was patient endurance, and he took that step with new-found confidence. At first just surviving the day, then the week . . . and growing in perseverance along the way: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:3,4)
5. The husband also knew that endurance would be twin to encouragement. Friends and family (especially church family) would be essential if his family was to survive this ordeal intact. Instead of isolating themselves in their pain, the husband led his family in the fifth step—keeping them open to help and open to worship: “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Romans 15:5,6)
6. The sixth step was to look for hope with new eyes. With mature thinking, the husband knew that, in the flesh, we can all be blinded by despair and discouragement. Looking for how God is moving takes Holy Spirit-led vision, and the husband was ready: “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” (Romans 15:4)
7. Their road ahead remains hard . . . the journey long. Steps of faith are never easy and require total trust in God in the dark. The husband prayed Proverbs 3:5,6: “Lord, I pray that I will ‘Trust in You with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding. In all my ways I will acknowledge You, and I know You will make our paths straight.’” Step seven was to praise God for His sovereignty and His presence . . . with all thanksgiving. This was perhaps the most counter-intuitive step of all, but necessary because Scripture says, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (I Thessalonians 5:16-18).

In spite of everything they have been through, this family stands together in faith.  They are an inspiration to us all.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” — Romans 15:13

Questions to Share:

1.  What crises of faith have you experienced in your life as a couple? How did you rely on your trust in God to get through them?
2. What crises of faith have you experienced during deployment? How did you rely on your trust in God to get through them?
3. Are you facing a crisis right now? What steps do you need to take to lead your family well, from the battlefield or from the home front?

Paul said, “After removing Saul, He made David their king. He (God) testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse a man after My own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’” — Acts 13:22

While deployed in 2009 I resolved to read through the Bible. I knew that this would not be easy, given our mission and schedule, but I was determined. God was faithful to see me through to accomplish that desire—and even more so I was able to listen to a complete sermon series on Philippians by John MacArthur. I was blessed. It fueled in my heart another desire—to examine carefully what God meant when He called David, “ . . . a man after His (God’s) own heart,” and to grow in that likeness. David was a great warrior—a great soldier—so being in the military makes me want to understand his character. Here’s a summary of what I found in the course of my study of David:

Those character qualities which would distinguish “a man after God’s own heart” are:

1. He follows the commands of God.

In 1 Samuel 13:14 we read (the prophet Samuel speaking to Saul, David’s predecessor): “but now your kingdom shall not endure, the LORD has sought out for Himself a man after His own heart, and the LORD has appointed him as ruler over His People, because you have not kept what the word commanded.” Obviously God is looking for a man to rule who follows His commands and submits to His Lordship over his own life. Jesus also states clearly the importance of obedience: “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27) “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in My love.” (John 15:10a) “You are My friends if you do what I command you.” (John 15:14) To be a man after God’s heart he has to submit his life, his will, his desires to the LORD.

2. He is a defender of God’s people.

In 1 Samuel 17:26 we read (before facing Goliath): “Then David spoke to the men who were standing by him saying, ‘What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and takes away the reproach of Israel? For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should taunt the armies of the living God?’” In our day and age the enemy isn’t a giant named Goliath, but it is deceivers and false prophets. In Pilgrim’s Progress a group of faithful women and children are rescued from Satan’s evil emissaries by a man named Great Heart. That is a picture of a man of God who has a desire to protect God’s people. He seeks to protect the church with truth and a servant’s heart of service.

3. He is a man of faith.

The entire episode of David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17:31-58 is a story of the faith of young David. First, he seeks to go out against the giant. Secondly, he rejects wearing King Saul’s armor. Finally, he only takes a sling and stones to fight what would seem to be an impossible match. Jesus said we would be able to accomplish great things by faith (Matthew 17:20): “I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.’” Hebrews 11, the great “Hall of Faith,” contains the names of those saints whose faith was recognized as a critical element to being a man (or woman) of God.

4. He gives the glory to God.

David declared to Goliath (and the Philistines listening), “For the battle is the LORD’s and He will give you into our hands.” God has convicted me in this area—to grow in acknowledging Him for His goodness towards me and for His deliverance. A man of God knows who is responsible for the victory (in our battles) and he directs all of his praise upward to the One who is faithful to rescue and redeem.

5. He is humble.

David states a lack of presumption (at being “awarded” the king’s daughter in marriage) and a presence of humility when he says in 1 Samuel 18:18, “Who am I, and what is my family or my father’s clan in Israel, that I should become the king’s son-in-law?” He considered himself unworthy of such a “prize” even though he had slain Goliath and received praise from all Israel. Sometimes I find in my own flesh the desire for prominence and authority, but am reminded of the truth in Proverbs 15:33, “The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom, and before honor comes humility.”

6. He is obedient to his human authorities.

In the New Testament we read in Romans 13 of the value of our obedience to those in authority, and in 1 Samuel 18:30 we see how David was rewarded for his honorable submission to King Saul during battle, “The commanders of the Philistines (the enemy) went out to battle, and it happened as often as they went out, that David behaved himself more wisely than all the servants of Saul. So his name was highly esteemed.” I have found that if a man follows the rules even when others don’t, while he may be viewed as odd, he is almost always held in high esteem among his comrades.

7. He has a sensitive conscience.

In 1 Samuel 24, David has an opportunity to take Saul’s life . . . . but decides to spare him. He does manage to cut off a corner of his robe, however, which he then regrets. He says in 1 Samuel 24:6: “The LORD forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the LORD’S anointed, or lift my hand against him; for he is the anointed of the LORD.” I believe that a man after God’s heart is sensitive to even the smallest sin in his life and desires to root it out. God honors the broken and contrite heart (Psalm 51:17) and would even have us seek reconciliation with an offended brother before we worship (Matthew 5:21-26) with gifts.

In conclusion to this biblical exercise of searching the ways in which the great military man and ruler David loved and served God, I can summarize by saying that “David’s heart was right before God,” and I want mine to be also. 1 Samuel 16:7 states clearly, “ . . . . for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’” God sees the depths of the heart—not only our thoughts, but more importantly our motives.

It is my desire that when God looks at my actions, my thoughts and my motives that He finds me to be obedient, noble, faithful, worshipful, humble, and tender towards Him.

Questions to Share:

1. What resolutions have you made and tried to keep during deployment which would enable you to grow spiritually during this time?

2. Which of these seven character traits which David demonstrated do you feel that you need to improve upon? Perhaps a time of confession in prayer (as David did) would get you moving in the right direction: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” — Psalm 51:11,12

I love you, O Lord, my strength.—Psalm 18:1.

King David, the great warrior-king, said “I Love You, O Lord” from Psalm 18:1.

So did Tom, an old waterman of the Chesapeake Bay and founding member of our dear church. Every Sunday morning he would serve as usher, and when he picked up the offering plates at the altar and bowed his tired, sea-weathered head to pray, he would end with , “I just want to say, ‘I love you, Lord.’”

What beautiful memories of those days in church.

And when he passed away, his nephew took his place as usher and would close with, “I just want to say, ‘I love you, Lord.’”

Our church members got so accustomed to hearing it spoken that it caught on. At meetings we would end our prayers with “We just want to say, ‘We love you, Lord.’” To this day, that phrase is a Spirit-led benediction which rings true.

Because it is true . . . we do love the Lord. And we want to tell Him that.

One of the most beautiful modern hymns we have in Christian music today expresses just this, “I love you, Lord.” Maybe seeing the music video of this great Maranatha song will encourage us to continue to tell the Lord that we do love Him . . . just like King David said . . . just like Tom said:

Click here to view the video on YouTube.

No matter whether you are on the battlefield or the home front, remember to tell the Lord that you love Him. “We love because He first loved us.” I John 4:19

Questions to Share:

1. Is there anyone you need to tell today that you love them?
2. Have you ever told the Lord that you love Him? Take the time today to tell these important people, and the Lord, that you love them.

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast. —Psalm 139:7-12

She sat in the living room of the house with furnishings and mementos which they picked out and purchased together.

She had just gotten their energetic children on the bus and off to school.

She was surrounded by pictures of their wedding and memories they had made together before and since that day. She started the day by re-reading some love letters he had written.

She planned to skype with her deployed husband in the afternoon to make sure plans for their R & R were coming together.

She emailed and facebooked for a while in order to keep their network of friends and family updated on his condition and her needs. She prayed to the Lord to protect him and his unit.

Yet, if she let herself, she could go by her feelings and think that she was all alone. . . .

He sat in his tent and opened a care package he received from her that day—full of goodies.

He had just talked with his wife at home and had reassured her of their plans for R & R.

He had asked lots of questions about how the kids were doing in school and how they, together, could parent with purpose.

He could gaze at his bulletin board and enjoy pictures of their family and memories they had made together. He re-read some love letters she had written.

He emailed her to thank her for the package, thank her for taking the time to skype and tell her good-night. He prayed to the Lord to protect her and the children.

Yet, if he let himself, he could go by his feelings and think that he was all alone. . . .

They moved about with health and strength in the shelter provided them and surrounded by unmistakable beauty of the vastness of creation.

They loved each other deeply and considered their oneness to be a gift from God.

They enjoyed technology unknown to past generations, allowing them to communicate whenever possible.

They knew that, God willing, they would be reunited soon.

They were blessed with the bounty of friends and the legacy of children.

They prayed to the Lord . . . . yet, in their darker moments, they insisted that they were all alone and feeling hopeless. . . .

Really?  How reliable are those feelings?

Let’s look at this a little closer–is it possible that a couple separated by deployment can be considered a picture of the Christian faith?  . . .you live in a place far away from your eternal home; you love God whom you cannot hold but Who has written you of His love; you communicate intimately in prayer with Him; you find strength in remembering how He has saved you and how He guides/protects/comforts/loves you; and how you can look forward to His coming again and your time together in all eternity?

If that is possible, then how do we encourage each other during these tough days of deployment separation when our feelings can cause us to believe things that are just not true? The answer—with Truth.

The same way that Paul instructs us in Romans 15:4: “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.”

Our life on this earth. . . . knowing that as believers we will be united with our bridegroom, Jesus Christ, in heaven someday—that God’s presence is very real—that the Holy Spirit can comfort, convict, and guide us through the difficult days as we communicate with God through prayer, worship, study, and fellowship —and that His word, the Bible, is His love letter to us . . . .is challenging.  But the truth is that we are not alone—that He loves us—and that we can live in faith and perspective of our time on earth and eternal life as followers of Christ.

We encourage each other as a married couple in the same way we encourage each other as fellow believers—with gratitude for what we have in oneness, with stories of our past together, with communication of our needs and confidence in days ahead together, and in serving others through difficult times.

Satan is the enemy who would seek to discourage us and lead us into believing lies. Be vigilant, be armed, be encouraged—God is the victor!

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. — Hebrews 11:1

Questions to Share:

1. When do you feel most alone? What is it that encourages you the most during those times?

2. How can you encourage your spouse when they feel alone?

3. Why is basing truth on feelings unreliable?

You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in Your word. — Psalm 119:114

Military couples with deployment experience know the value of good planning. Planning for finances, emergencies, communication, leave time, home and car maintenance, legal documents, children’s needs, etc. comes under the heading of being “mission ready.”

But there’s more to a marriage than logistics. And preparing a marriage to stay close even when worlds apart during deployment means being intentional about emotional and spiritual intimacy. Yes, emotional and spiritual intimacy—which comes under the heading of “oneness.”

Good spiritual habits of praying together and sharing conversations about devotional material can be continued during deployment—with proper planning centered around times and opportunities. But in this posting we will highlight another discipline of spiritual maturity—that of reading the Bible together.

This topic came up recently when speaking with a good friend in ministry. Our friend shared how he helped a Marine couple “design” their Scripture reading plan so they could maintain this all-important spiritual connection during a 7-month deployment. The deployed husband knew he would have only periodic access to a telephone while inside the wire, so part of their plan was agreeing they would coordinate their time “together” by email. Having this understanding, the couple designed their reading plan in such a way that they could each “catch up” with their Scriptures in preparation for the expected short time together on the phone. They began their conversation with a quick update on family matters . . . followed by the anticipated question that went something like, “What did you think about the Scripture reading yesterday from Ephesians?” Their time together was quickly over as the next person in the line took their turn. But it was enough time to make that deep heart-to-heart connection which kept them in spiritual oneness during the deployment.

The end result: the couple thanked our friend for the proposal of Bible reading after their successful reintegration. We praise God for their purposeful intentionality to be so mature as to make this a priority in their relationship—not only with each other but with their Lord.

Perhaps your deployment will be 30 days. Try something like going through Psalms and Proverbs by reading five chapters daily starting with a “one”—like Psalm 1,31,61,91, and Proverbs 1. Or choose some books of the Bible which you want to read, count the chapters and divide by the number of days of deployment. Then chart it out.

And since so many deployments are 179 days, we have included a sample Scripture reading plan designed for going through fourteen books at two chapters a day for those 179 days. Click here if this might work for you. Other couples might choose to purchase two “One-Year Bibles” and follow that for the designated time period.

We know of a couple during World War II who included thoughts on their Bible readings in letters to each other through 3-½ years of wartime separation.

Moses said it well when he spoke to the nation of Israel concerning the truth of Scripture, “They are not just idle words for you—they are your life.” Deuteronomy 32:47

Questions to Share:

1. What advantages do you see in reading the Bible together during deployment?

2. There will be distractions and mission demands. Make your plan in such a way as to be realistic about your deployment requirements. What do you believe you can do to stay spiritually connected in Bible reading through this time of separation?