Jul
3
“Enough, already!”
Written by Bob. Filed Under Uncategorized
“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” — Hebrews 4:16
Picture this—the twelve disciples had just returned from deployment. Jesus sent them out two-by-two and they were returning to Him and giving their “after-action reports.” Mark writes in Chapter 6, verse 30-31: “The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to Him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going they did not even have a chance to eat, Jesus said to them, ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’”
We all have so much going on in our lives that sometimes we don’t even have a chance to eat, much less to rest—whether deployed or at home! Some of the demands that we may feel during these current pressure-packed days are:
— deployments…getting ready, going, long separations, returning;
— working harder on the job to fill the gap while others are deployed;
— keeping up with life at home as a “single” parent while your spouse is deployed;
— trying to make the financial ends meet in your budgets at home and at work;
— caring for aging parents while trying to meet your children’s needs;
— moving to a new assignment…selling a house in a difficult market, buying a house, finding the right schools, finding a new job, and on and on…
It makes a person want to shout, “Enough, already!”
And the good news is that He is enough. . .already, for you!
Do you need to hear that? I do. I need to know that. And I need to remember that.
How is our God enough? Consider these three ways:
His supply is enough for you! We read in Philippians 4:19: “And my God will supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Pondering this point is such a great opportunity to think back over the times our Lord has provided for us—sometimes in amazing, miraculous ways and sometimes through a simple kindness from a friend…but always in just the way He knew we needed. The Hebrew people experienced what may be the biggest deployment of all times when they left
His power is enough for you! Do you ever feel inadequate? I hope so! Even though that realization can lead you to despair—with the right response it can lead to repair. It’s when we realize we need God’s strength that we call on Him for His help. Paul prayed for the believers in Ephesus: “I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe.” (Ephesians 1:18-19a). That power, God’s power, is resurrection power, and I know I need that power working in me. “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.” (2 Peter 1:3)
In 2 Corinthians 1:8-11a we are reminded that during some of the Paul’s toughest times he knew that God was enough: “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of
His grace is enough for you! In struggling with some painful issue, Paul discovered a wonderful truth: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) The enemy would have us believe we are unworthy, beyond redemption, and too weak to stand. But, the truth is His grace is enough for you! “But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.” (Ephesians 2:4) The price Jesus paid on the cross was payment enough for all my sin and your sin. It is enough to transform us from dead souls walking to men and women who are alive with hope!
Hallelujah! He is enough!
I love an old hymn I learned as a child, “Room at the Cross for You”:
“The cross upon which Jesus died is a shelter in which we can hide;
And its grace so free is sufficient for me, and deep is its fountain as wide as the sea.
There’s room at the cross for you, There’s room at the cross for you;
Tho’ millions have come, there’s still room for one—
Yes, there’s room at the cross for you.”
Chris Tomlin said it this way in his song, “Enough”:
“All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough.”
When you want to scream out “Enough, already!” know that you can claim the truth in Hebrews 4:6. You can approach God’s throne knowing that His supply, power, and grace are enough for you.
“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” — Psalm 62:1-2
Questions to Share:
1. Share with each other a time when you wanted to declare, “Enough, already!”
2. Share how God helped you to endure, and perhaps even come out stronger when the time of trial was over. If that time of trial is right now, during this deployment, consider what God is doing in your life to help you to persevere.
Jun
30
The Proverbs 31 Husband
Written by Linda. Filed Under Uncategorized
“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. . . . .Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” — Proverbs 31:11-12, 28
I don’t know about you, but the “Proverbs 31 Wife” has been such a high (unreachable?) goal for me that I have often read this perfect description and have repeated verse one, “who can find?” Who can find such a woman, who provides exquisitely for her family, works tirelessly, gives generously, is wise, respected, industrious, competent, and praiseworthy—all in a lifetime of work?? Amazing! She must have been a military wife!
Less written about, or spoken of, seems to be this remarkable woman’s husband—the Proverbs 31 Husband. What do we know of him? If there is one thing I have learned about marriage it is that one spouse can greatly influence the other (for good or for bad). Just as it is true that “behind every good man is a good woman” I believe that “behind every good woman is a good man.” So how did this man support his wife, and vice versa? What do we know of their marriage?
I see at least three things in Proverbs 31 which speak of their marriage:
Trust—Verses 11 and 12 state, “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life.” (NIV) In the New Kings James Version, verse 11 reads, “The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.” This couple operated in an atmosphere of trust. I doubt that this wife could have made purchases and investments, given to the poor or supervised a staff without the support of her husband—a trust based upon her dignified countenance and God-given wisdom. Mutual trust in a marriage is a beautiful thing, and her stability certainly speaks of her husband’s confidence in her abilities.
Teamwork—Verse 23 states, “Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.” This verse is followed by verse 31 which also mentions the influence of this couple in terms of their respect in the community, “Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” We know that the “city gate” in those days was where official business was conducted—much like our “city hall” or “courthouse” today. This husband was a respected leader, which would not have been true had not his home life been in order. And this is recognized in that final verse when we see that his wife is also respected in the community. They were a team—one’s reputation bringing honor to the other.
Tenderness—My favorite verses are 28 and 29, “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’” The Proverbs 31 Husband appreciated his wife, and verbally praised her. The affect of this treatment was that their children learned to respect their mother and emulate their father’s praise. My observation has been that if a husband insults his wife, their children will do the same. That makes for strife in a home, not harmony (among other things). But if he looks for ways to praise her and is not reticent in expressing his love and appreciation, the benefits can be found in loving relationships for generations to come.
The book of Proverbs begins with a call to wisdom. In Proverbs 1:7 we read, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge.” At the end of Proverbs, in 31:30, we see this having been lived out in a woman’s life: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” The fear of the LORD is the spiritual foundation on which this Proverbs 31 wife has built her home and her legacy. Because of her knowledge and understanding of the LORD’s faithful and sovereign ways, it says that she “has no fear for her household” and “can laugh at the days to come.” We do not know if her husband has that same wisdom—it is not written. But my thought is that this Proverbs 31 Husband knew and lived Deuteronomy 10:12— “And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways, to love Him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the LORD’s commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?”
And how does a married couple today, in the midst of military deployments, live out the call to trust, teamwork, and tenderness? I believe that relationships have not changed that much through the millennia, and that good communication (stay connected with what is going on in each other’s lives as much as possible), loving care (unselfish actions even when separated), and strong commitment (the “d” word should not even be in your vocabulary) to the marriage worked now and worked then. I believe that we should refer to Proverbs 31 as a picture of a husband and wife in marriage, and how it is true that “Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” — Psalm 127:1
Questions to Share:
1. Can you see the benefit in praising each other? In what ways do you praise one another during the separation of deployments?
2. In what ways can you praise your spouse for the ways that you trust them and for the ways that you can see yourselves working together as a team for the good of your family.
Jun
26
Figuring Your Priorities
Written by Al. Filed Under Uncategorized
Proverbs 27:18a: “Take care of a fig tree and you will have figs to eat.”
It’s pretty simple really, if you want to have figs to eat, you have to take care of the fig tree. It helps to plant a fig tree to start with. Put it in good soil and water and feed it with good fertilizer. Keep the bugs and birds off it. Check on it daily to see if it needs anything more. If you just plant it and leave it alone, you are unlikely to ever taste any figs off your tree. It’s a deceptively simple concept… if you look after something, it produces what it should produce. This is so simple, in fact, that sadly, most of us fail to apply it.
I don’t know why any of you got married, but I got married because I wanted a companion, a friend, someone I could trust implicitly and share the good and bad things in life. I can’t just plant the tree and walk away, however - my marriage needs constant tending, checking and nurturing if I am to get out of it the fruit that I want. It’s the same principle with raising my children. I want them to become capable adults with solid, God-honoring characters. But if I just produce children and don’t care for them, I will not see that fruit.
Some of you will read this and recognize that your marriage and children are getting away from you. That somehow you forgot to care for them as much as you should have and you are struggling to see any figs on their branches. How did that happen? I don’t know your particular circumstances, but I’m going to take a wild guess and say that somewhere along the way, you got distracted. You stopped making the care of your marriage and family a priority and you made the choice to become occupied with other things…
We know how this works in the military. When we plan an operation we identify our mission, intent and end state. That is, we decide what we want to have achieved by the end of the operation. We then determine the tasks we must achieve and we prioritize them – what contributes most comes first. Knowing what we must do in order to end up where we want to be provides the basis for all our decisions (our choices) as we plan and execute the operation. Put simply, if we have to make a choice between doing something that helps us achieve our mission, or something that does not contribute to achieving the mission, it should be a no-brainer. We do what contributes to the mission.
The problem is that sometimes we are tempted to do the other thing because it looks more fun, isn’t as uncomfortable, offers an opportunity for heroism or fame, or we hope it will be quicker. In land operations we call this ‘chasing ground’. Being tempted to push onto just one more hill at the risk of moving beyond our fire support, or going beyond the range of our logistics chain. What looks good right now often turns into disaster as we get cut off and become exposed to unchallenged enemy fire. That is the danger of losing sight of our mission priorities – we fail to achieve our mission.
We are the same in life. We often start out with an idea of what we want out of our marriage and family. But it is so easy to lose sight of our priorities and become distracted by things that do not contribute to a healthy home life. We need to re-examine those priorities from time-to-time to check that we know what we need to do to produce the outcomes (the figs) that we want. Then we need to commit to doing those things ahead of other (sometimes) more tempting options.
This can be a little tricky when we are deployed for long periods of time, but it is often then that we must be more aware of, and committed to, the priority tasks that will strengthen our marriages and keep our children on track. It will take some extra effort in communicating through calls, emails or even letters! It will take some commitment to using what time you do get together (before, during and after deployments) to best effect, sometimes giving up your own interests for a time. Distance doesn’t reduce the need to care for your family, it just requires some innovation. Ask the Holy Spirit to examine your heart and show you if, or where, you may have strayed from the priorities that you should be maintaining. Ask Him to help you care for your marriage and family in a way that produces plenty of figs.
Questions to Share:
1. What do you want to achieve in your marriage? How do you want to see your children turn out? Take those answers and determine your mission.
2. What tasks do you need to carry out in order to achieve your mission in your marriage and family?
3. What activities need to be removed because they actively work against the achievement of your mission, or be put on hold because they do not contribute to your mission?
4. What are you going to do about these answers?
Jun
23
The Refresh Button
Written by Linda. Filed Under Uncategorized
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.” — Romans 12:2
I’m not great at computers, but I do know and appreciate the value of the “refresh button.” When I need to get the latest data—or to update what I’m working on—that refresh button clears out the old, perhaps wrong, information and allows for the new to be brought in to replace it. When I read Romans 12:2, I think of it as my “refresh button.” If my mind is in a rut with false thinking, I need to transform it with truth—God’s truth—so that I can use God’s truth to know God’s will. That’s the right information—not Satan’s lies from being “conformed to the world.”
Recently I heard from a dear Army wife who writes beautifully. She shared with me a recent journal entry. I was struck by how she wrote a thought in this particular entry, and then tested it against what God said in His Word. It was as if she had wanted to take that thought—that old information—to see what God’s Word said when she “hit the refresh button”. What a great exercise! Here is what she wrote from her heart as she dealt with deployment:
LORD, I’M LONELY
I said, “Lord, I’m lonely.”
He said, “God sets the lonely in families, He leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.” Ps 68:6
I said, “Lord, I’m tired of doing this by myself.”
He said, “Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.” Ps 68:19
I said, “Lord, I miss my husband—the father of my children and head of our family.”
He said, “For THIS reason I kneel before the Father, from whom all fatherhood in heaven and on earth derives its name.” Eph 3:14-15 (emphasis mine) He also said, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in His holy dwelling.” Ps 68:5
I said, “But right now, Lord, I need more!”
He replied, “I pray that you…may have the power…to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of ALL the fullness of God.” (emphasis mine) Eph 3:17b-19
And then He said: “Remember this: I AM”
“I AM able to do immeasurably more than YOU can ask or imagine.” Eph 3:20a—“And I love You!”
I look forward to reading more of what she has to share because I believe that she has captured a discipline that we would all do well to emulate. Are you struggling with a feeling or a thought? Test it against what the Word says. If it is a lie, push the “refresh button” and clear your mind to truthful thinking.
“Jesus said, ‘If you hold to My teaching, you are really My disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’” — John 8:31-32
“. . . and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” — 2 Cor 10:5b
Questions to Share:
1. If you have ever found yourself burdened, did you consider testing your thinking against what God had to say in His Word?
2. Pray that God will use His truth to renew your mind and refresh you. Then write down your thoughts and search scripture, perhaps using a Bible promise book or a concordance, and test what you are thinking against what God says.
Jun
19
Soul Music
Written by Linda. Filed Under Uncategorized
“Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits.” — Psalm 103:1-2
Our Wednesday evening prayer service started with our pastor asking us the question, “What is within your soul that comes out of your mouth?” That was a convicting question, for surely there are times, for all of us, when we are not real proud of what comes out of our mouth. But then he gave us the challenge to make sure that, based on Psalm 103, we praise the LORD in five specific areas—praise Him from the very depths of our souls. This is praise music indeed, from our souls—soul music!
- Let us praise Him for the Gospel! Psalm 103:3 says “He forgives all my sins. . .” verse 10 says “He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.” Surely the saving power of Jesus Christ is something to praise Him for—but how often do we actually do it? And how often do we declare it to others (even our families!) with a heart of gratitude that says, “I am so grateful for my salvation made possible through the atoning death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.”
- Let us praise Him for the healing of our diseases! Verse 3 concludes with “He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.” Our pastor was quick to add that we know the LORD does not always heal those who are sick on this earth—but surely all healing that occurs in a human body (whether by surgery, medication, time, other remedies) is brought about by the divine healing power of God. Nothing is beyond God’s scope of healing, according to His will. I remember an interview with Joni Eareckson Tada, who has been a quadriplegic for years because of a diving accident . . . but who has gone on to have a worldwide ministry to handicapped. She was asked what she was looking forward to in heaven. I immediately thought that her answer would be, “to walking and running again—to hugging and clapping and being able to move!” But that’s not what she said. She said that she was looking forward to not sinning anymore—that the curse of the “flesh” would be gone. She was looking forward to no more bad thoughts, no more unkind words spoken—indeed we can praise Him for the healing of our diseases!
- Let us praise Him for our redemption! Verse 4 says, “He redeems my life from the pit.” The LORD has freed us, redeemed us, ransomed us—and further in the Psalms the reminder is there–to “Let the redeemed of the LORD say so!” Psalm 107:2 Are you redeemed? Then praise Him for that!
- Let us praise Him for His love and mercy! There are times in our Bible studies on military bases when I will say, “Do you know how much the LORD loves you?” We need to say that—we need to “count the ways”—we need to proclaim it because we all serve in a hurting world. Remember Steve Green’s classic song, People Need the Lord. Well, it’s true. And Psalm 103:4 says “. . . He crowns me with love and compassion.” I have met many military members whose favorite verse is Lamentations 3:21-23: “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” That is praise from the soul of Jeremiah, the prophet, which is truth for us today whether we’re at home or in the desert.
- Let us praise Him for bringing true satisfaction! 103:5 says, “He satisfies my desires with good things, so that my youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” There are so many things in the world that satisfy, but only for the moment. True satisfaction comes from Christ alone, and Christ says in the Beatitudes, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” Matthew 5:6
And when David was in the desert of Judah, in Psalm 63:5, we see an affirmation of what we have just reviewed: “My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise You!”
So, going back to our original question, “What is within your soul that comes out of your mouth?” My prayer is that this has been a reminder that we have much for which to be grateful—and that we should praise Him for! Soul music, indeed! Hallelujah!
Questions to share:
1. Take each of the five categories of praise and spend a moment praising God for that benefit in your life.
2. Take the time to write your spouse and let them know you are grateful for them.
Jun
16
Run Like You Mean It!
Written by Al. Filed Under Uncategorized
“As for us, we have this large crowd of witnesses around us. So then, let us rid ourselves of everything that gets in the way, and of the sin which holds on to us so tightly, and let us run with determination the race that lies before us.” — Hebrews12:1
My great-grandfather was wounded during an assault on the German lines during the Battle of the Somme in France during WWI. He was one of the 57% casualties suffered in his corps. A quote from a German machine gunner regarding the first day of the battle gives us some idea of why the casualty rates were so high: “We were very surprised to see them walking, we had never seen that before… I noticed one of them walking calmly, carrying a walking stick. When we started firing, we just had to load and reload. They went down in their hundreds. We didn’t have to aim, we just fired into them. If only they had run, they would have overwhelmed us.”
It’s unthinkable to walk under fire in a modern battle. No one walked casually up to Iraqi positions in Kuwait, no one strolled along the streets of Mogadishu, and no one calmly wandered into Taliban strongholds in Afghanistan. These days we run. Short, controlled bursts of running, weaving and keeping low to present less of a target. An assault is not a casual affair, but one that takes thought, alertness, focus, responsiveness and energy. We run, keeping an eye on those around us, on the enemy and on the ground in front of us so that we will not stumble. Walking is not an option when someone is shooting at you.
Strange then, isn’t it, how many of us walk casually into the spiritual battles that we are engaged in every day. We can nonchalantly ignore the mines and obstacles that Satan places on the battlefields of life to injure or destroy our marriages and families. We can casually allow destructive things to creep into our homes. We may turn a blurred, if not blind eye to material on the internet, movies and TV that undermine our commitment to our spouse, or start our children in destructive habits. I challenged the 12-year-old son of a friend once to look away when a lingerie advertisement appeared on TV. He responded, “Why? It’s only an advertisement!” He was walking into “enemy fire.”
Are we playing with temptation instead of fleeing from it? I’ve heard married soldiers say about people they were not married to: “you can look, but don’t touch.” Thinking that way about someone you are not married to is walking into “enemy fire.” And there are other ways that we can walk into the dangers of battle. For example, we sometimes choose pride over humility and refuse to ask or grant forgiveness, convincing ourselves that we are justified. Or we don’t always think about the words we use, even when we can see the damage we are doing. Plus we can fail to make positive communication a priority when we are apart. If we do not choose to make our relationship with our spouse a priority when at home together, or separated by deployments, we are walking into “enemy fire.”
I am amazed how many people still manage to claim that they are innocent victims and look shocked when their worlds collapse after they have ignored enemy fire instead of avoiding it. They walked calmly into Satan’s machine guns when they should have RUN! The apostle Paul talks often of running in his letters. There is no mistaking the urgency he wants us to adopt in life. He tells us in Hebrews to “rid ourselves of everything that gets in the way… and run with determination.” That’s good advice for physical and spiritual battles. Life isn’t a casual thing, and if we treat it casually, we should not be surprised when we see ourselves and our family stumble or fall on the battlefield. Rest when you can, but stay alert and when the enemy opens fire, RUN!
Questions to Share:
1. What destructive habits (hurtful words, lack of forgiveness, uncontrolled TV/Internet, playing with temptation, etc.) have you overlooked in yourself, your marriage or your family?
2. What positive habits (encouraging words, good communication, praying together, Bible reading, etc.) have you not yet instilled in yourself, your marriage or your family?
3. Agree together to work on a few of the changes you need to make and ask the Holy Spirit to keep you accountable.
Jun
12
The Oxygen Mask
Written by Linda. Filed Under Uncategorized
“Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” — Psalm 127:1
You’ve flown on airliners—and no doubt recall the flight attendant reminding you that “if there is a drop in cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop down. Pull it towards you, etc. etc. etc. and oxygen will begin flowing even if the bag does not inflate.” Something like that. Then the important reminder—“if you are traveling with small children, remember to put the oxygen mask on you first, and then put it on your children.” This seems counter-intuitive, but the point is—oxygen-starved parents cannot help their children.
We just returned from being with military members at a marriage conference. There we saw active-duty service members, along with two thousand other attendees at the
It all made me reflect on a conversation I had with an Air Force wife a couple of years ago. She was concerned with the growing trend of child-centered marriages, and felt like too many of her friends were neglecting the priority of their marriage—making the husband-wife relationship the center based upon God’s purpose for oneness. Besides being impressed with the maturity of this young wife with three small children, I knew that she was speaking the truth because we all have seen it. It’s so easy in our society to focus on meeting the needs of our kids while neglecting what really makes a family healthy—the Christ-centered marriage.
This particular Air Force wife followed up our conversation by mailing me a newspaper column from John Rosemond, a family psychologist in
Today’s all-too-typical child is prevented from learning what marriage is all about by well-intentioned parents who rarely act from within the roles of husband and wife; rather, they act almost exclusively from within the roles of mother and father. This is, after all, the new American ideal, based in large part on the nefarious modern notion that the more attention you pay to, the more involved you are with, and the more you do for your child, the better a parent you are. . . . .If you want more proof of why the husband-wife relationship should trump that of parent and child, consider this unarguable proposition: Nothing makes a child feel more insecure than the feeling that his parents’ relationship is shaky, that it might come undone at any moment. It follows that nothing makes a child feel more secure than knowing his parents’ relationship, while not perfect, is strong enough to endure any hardship, any disagreement.
What does “keeping your marriage the priority” look like during a deployment? Of course staying connected to the kids is of utmost importance, but staying connected with your spouse comes first. That will translate into security at the deepest levels, for when there is love and respect between a husband and a wife, a child cannot help but feel like there is hope that everything is going to be all right, no matter what.
Here are some suggestions:
- Consider asking your spouse—“Sweetheart, how can I make sure that you feel important to me while I’m gone?”. . . . or “how can I make sure that you feel important to me while you’re gone?”
- Pray and ask God for sensitivity to your spouse and their needs while you are apart. After all, God made them and they are His gift to you—so it follows that He would know what would help keep you close.
- Communicate. . .communicate. . .communicate—in whatever way works for you. If emailing is good—or phone calls—or letters—keep it coming! Obviously this will change with duty assignments, but the goal is to stay connected! Be creative—which is another thing you could pray about.
- Study. Deployments are a unique time to perhaps focus on your relationship in a way that could be viewed as an opportunity. There are so many good Christian books on marriage. A good one to start with is Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. We also know of chaplains who are leading Bible studies on marriage during deployment so that the time apart can be a time of growth in spite of the distance. Our favorite marriage Bible study series is HomeBuilders—and they are “deployment-friendly.” For more information, see www.familylife.com
- Understand “The Triangle”—probably the most important concept of all. Here’s how it works: Picture a triangle with the lower left point labeled “husband” and the lower right point labeled “wife.” At the apex is God. Follow the left line upward to symbolize the husband growing closer to God. Follow the right line upward to symbolize the wife growing closer to God. As a husband grows closer to God, and the wife grows closer to God, what happens? They grow closer to one another! It never fails. The Holy Spirit brings a couple closer together in spite of hardship, and sometimes because of it.
- Consider attending a Weekend to Remember before you deploy, or right after you return. Here are some comments from our recent event in
“Allowed me to reconnect with my husband after a long deployment, without the kids.”
“We rebuilt bridges, refocused our marriage. The highlight was the intimate conversations with my wife, reconnecting.”
“Gave us time alone to refocus before deploying.”
These conferences are held all over the country, and almost every weekend. WeekendToRemember.com will give you more information if you are interested.
These are just a few suggestions. Perhaps you can think of more—and we would certainly encourage that. Marriage is a precious gift, but it takes work even under the best of circumstances. The legacy of a loving home starts with the commitment of a husband and wife to each other and to their Lord. Don’t leave home without it!
Questions to share:
1. Does your spouse know how important they are to you? Perhaps this would be a good time to express that in a personal way.
2. Think of two specific things that you are grateful for in your marriage. Thank God for His gift of your spouse, and then thank them for their commitment to you.
Jun
9
Real Men Read “Heroes at Home”
Written by Linda. Filed Under Uncategorized
“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” — Proverbs 25:11
I don’t think that “Real Men Read Heroes at Home” will become a bumper-sticker, but maybe it should. Ellie Kay’s great book, sub-titled “Help and Hope for
In her introduction, Mrs. Kay writes, “Every family member is impacted when Mom or Dad takes the pledge to defend our country and risk his or her life to do so.” (p. 13) Because this is true, she includes helpful chapters on family moving tips, budgeting helps, importance of volunteering, parenting ideas, military acronyms and lingo, “stress busters”, and that all-important don’t-ever-forget-it life-saver known as a sense of humor!
But none of those good things were what our group was discussing.
And did I say that there is a lot of good material on deployments? Her chapter entitled “Operation Hearts Apart” lists the “Top Twelve Don’ts for Deployment”, beginning with “don’t have a negative attitude.” (p. 171). She has plenty of “to dos”, also, compiled from the hearts of many military wives who have much experience to share. My favorite part of this chapter is a “bonus section” entitled “The Service member’s ‘Wish Book.’” If you have ever wanted an idea for a friend going through deployment (yes, through) or even for yourself, then there is something in this chapter for you.
But that’s still not what we were discussing about the book.
I have to admit that my favorite part of her book is the end, where she brings it all together with a chapter on faith, entitled, “Courage Under fire—Facing Fear with Faith.” Let me share some of what she writes in this last section, “Sending a spouse on a deployment, out on a ship or to the field, is hard enough, but sending them into harm’s way is doubly difficult. Military spouses cope with these life-and-death situations as a matter of course, but that doesn’t mean it is easy. . . . . Some of the greatest personal growth I’ve seen in myself and in my friends has occurred during a time of extended separation. . . . .there is something different about this war on terrorism. . . I felt courage well up within me, the courage of many women who stood in my shoes decades before me as they sent their men into harm’s way. The courage was one that had been molded in deep faith and perfected in the fire of fifteen years’ experience.” (pgs. 183, 194)
So, with all of that said, what was it that our group of friends was discussing about the book that would bring us to report that “Real Men Read Heroes at Home”? Typically we in ministry give this book out to military wives who are holding down the home front. We acknowledge that this is not universal, however, as many mothers are deployed and fathers are holding home and family together in the States. So. . . .
What we were talking about in our group—was the children. Yes, the children. One of our group—a retired Army officer with 30 years in service—had decided to read Heroes at Home for himself. He was so moved by the stories of the families in the book that he decided to write a letter of thanks to each of his four grown children—all married, and one even serving now in
This faithful servant in our group, a Godly father, loving husband—knew that this was a way to bless his children for the blessing that they had been to he and his wife during their military career. We decided that this was a great idea, a God-honoring idea, that we wanted to pass along. And we also decided that Heroes at Home will now be given out to military Moms and Dads equally—there is material in this book for everyone. . . . . . .even retirees!!
Kay, Ellie. Heroes at Home: Help and Hope for America’s Military Families. Bethany House Publishers, 2002.
Questions to share:
1. Is there a letter of appreciation that you could write to someone who has helped you to serve our country?
2. Is there a military “brat” that you can thank for their service—even if it was years and years ago?
Jun
5
Keep on Praying
Written by Linda. Filed Under Uncategorized
“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.” —Ephesians 6:18
We recently asked our local chaplains, “How can we pray for you as you prepare for deployment?” The answers to our question were varied, tender, and powerful—all at the same time. They introduced us to the printed “prayer card” with the chaplain’s picture, mailing address, deployment dates, and prayer requests. I have five such cards in front of me; one from a Navy chaplain, one from an Army chaplain, two from Air Force chaplains, and one from a National Guard chaplain. We consider it a great privilege to pray for these devoted servants.
Who is Jesus Christ? And what is His message? Certainly it would make sense to know this God to whom you are praying. A good summary can be found in the Four Spiritual Laws booklet published by Campus Crusade for Christ:
- “God loves you and created you to know Him personally. He has a wonderful plan for your life.
- We must individually receive Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord; then we can know God personally and experience His love and plan.”
If that is a message that you are ready to take to heart, then PRAY something like this:
“Lord Jesus, I want to know You personally. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving me of my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.” If you have prayed that prayer, and you want to know more, click on one of the following websites:
Our prayer for you is “that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.” — Ephesians 3:16-17
1. Do you have a favorite time to pray or a place to pray?
2. Who do you pray for most often?
Jun
2
Reintegration Concerns / Reintegration Prayers
Written by Linda. Filed Under Uncategorized
“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” — Colossians 4:2
The mood of our Bible study group was changing as the ladies were anticipating the return of their husbands from year-long deployments. We had been studying Loving Your Military Man at the base chapel for seven months, and we had all grown in knowledge and understanding of ways we wanted to improve in our marriages. But what would the “new normal” look like? When the guys got home, what new challenges would be there for us to learn from? How long would the “honeymoon” last? How would the kids respond to the change in “who’s in charge?” How would we respond to the changes in schedule—and possible PCS? Each lady had her own excitements, anticipations, expectations, and concerns to deal with. So we prayed. We were watchful, knowing that there was much going on in our hearts and we wanted to be sensitive to that. . . . and we were thankful, knowing that God had carried us through this time of separation during war..
Isaiah 43:1-3a is a great “deployment verse”:
“But now, this is what the LORD says – He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O
Three weeks after the guys returned, we met for breakfast—kind of a homecoming celebration for our group with husbands included. Last minute changes meant that not everybody could make it, but my husband and I were hoping to meet as many of the couples as we could. We wanted to see how they were doing. Reintegrations can be a mixed blessing—and homecoming is a process.
We had a great time at the breakfast, and it was heartwarming to see couples together after such a lengthy time away. I had not known any of the husbands, so it was particularly exciting to meet the men for whom we had been faithfully praying. Hugs and well-wishes were shared as we departed, not knowing when we would meet together again. But we knew that the bonds of our time together in Bible study would stay strong—we had needed each other and depended on each other.
So I was pleased—and not totally surprised—when I received this email from one of the ladies who had attended the breakfast with her husband, after about three weeks home from deployment:
“What I could not share with you at our breakfast is that my husband and I are very happy. Prayer is the answer and leaving it up to God, because I could not change him, but HE could. If you remember I was very concerned about his drinking. The first week he was home was a non-stop drinking party. That is when I was ready to leave him, I really was. But one of my best friends told me that I needed to pray that God would take the taste for liquor out of his mouth. I prayed it over and over again, just in case The Lord did not hear me—but He heard me. I had to believe that God was going to do what He had said. Within a few days my husband was prayed for at church and told God that he would not go into another liquor store. He did say that he might drink beer and wine. But that did not last long. The next week he got a 6-pack of beer and was in his room all day drinking. He came out later mad. I thought he was drunk, but he said that he could not understand how people drink beer. He was drinking all day and was not getting the high he wanted and he felt bloated. Needless to say, that was the last of the beer. He now is on a diet to lose weight and got mad at me for bringing a bottle of wine in the house. I asked God for him to recover, and He delivers on His promises. My husband is a different man and I have fallen in love with him all over again. Feel free to share this testimony . . . God is way too good.”
God is faithful . . . .He answers prayers, in His way and in His time. This military couple has seen how He alone can move in their lives, and they know that change comes from Him. “Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 10:22-23)
We give God the glory—Praise Him from Whom ALL blessings flow!
Questions to share:
1. Are there concerns that you have when you face the excitement and expectations of reintegration?
2. Ask your spouse how you can specifically pray for them during this time—as you anticipate reintegration, as you are enjoying it, or as you are facing challenges of the “new normal.” God is faithful to answer prayers.