Bea’s Story

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable,—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” — Philippians 4:8

Not only is Philippians 4:8 the inspiration for this online devotional website (excellentorpraiseworthy.org), but it is the inspiration for a new Bible study entitled Loving Your Military Man. Written by Bea Fishback, a staff missionary with Campus Crusade’s Military Ministry, it is the third study to come from her pen and heart. Bea and her husband, Jim, have written two HomeBuilders studies, Defending the Military Marriage and Defending the Military Family. But Loving Your Military Man was written especially to explore how a woman of faith demonstrates truth, nobility, right-thinking, purity, loveliness, and excellence in her role as a military wife.

I recently had the privilege of leading a Bible study using this book with a group of Navy wives whose husbands were deployed as IAs (Individual Augmentees). We took our time. We started in October of last year, and finished in early May because the ten sessions in the book had so much to offer—and we had much to learn from one another and from Bea’s teaching.

Chapter One is entitled, “Oh Mom, I Want to Go Home. . .” You see, three days after Jim & Bea’s wedding, her expectations of “living happily ever after” were challenged with the immediate reality of an Army PCS move to Seoul, Korea. In a foreign land and knowing no one, she began her married life living in a Quonset hut, no hot water, mice and rats as “company” and Jim’s demanding work schedule. Like this story from the earliest days of her marriage, each session in the 10-week study begins with a personal episode followed by scripture and discussion questions. Each week our group would go through the pages, question by question, learning God’s truths about loving our military husbands using Bea’s life-stories as springboards to study and sharing.

Chapter Five, “Whatever is Pure”, impacted our group the most. Bea has given me permission to share what she has written in her “story.” Here is some of what she had to share about a tough time in those early days of their marriage:

“Only months before, the path we had been on was a path of isolation, selfishness, and pride—each taking a toll on our relationship. . . .We began to reach an impasse in our lives as husband and wife. In fact, our marriage became strained and nearly dissolved during times apart due to TDYs, field maneuvers, and other demands that caused a sense of individual self-sufficiency. I became convinced that whenever Jim went TDY or was deployed, he was actually enjoying our time apart. He seemed to have an easier time during our separations, while I stayed home analyzing every action prior to his departures. I wanted back our times of talking and discovering each other like when we dated. We had moved into a routine of isolation with unanswered questions and silence. Jim and I had unrealistic expectations of each other and when those expectations were not met, we had difficulty adjusting.” (p.66)

Does that sound all too familiar? Jim and Bea are not the only military couple to experience these feelings, and our Bible study group could all agree on that. But the good news is that Bea goes on to tell “the rest of the story”—concluding in a romantic dinner that she and Jim shared—with a renewal of radiance and devotion.

“The night before this romantic meal we had to discuss some misunderstood words. But there was something different between us now. We knew it was because God had intervened in our relationship. God had opened our eyes to how selfish we had become. He helped me to recognize that Jim could not meet all of my expectations, spoken and unspoken. I learned only God can fill every need I had. God also revealed to Jim his patterns of behavior. He would become stubborn and refuse to talk. God showed us that we were falling into the habit of not communicating and not loving each other unconditionally. By showing us how we were failing in our marriage, He had revealed His love for us individually and as a couple.” (p. 66)

Bea closed the session with these words, “In the opening story of this chapter, I shared how Jim and my marriage had shifted from isolation to renewal. God rebuilt our marriage by turning our focus on Him. We realized unless God was the center of our home, we ultimately became the center. No longer did we expect the other one to meet our every wish and desire. We now understood no human could accomplish this. Paul (author of Philippians) directs our thinking to that which is pure—telling us to live with a pure mind and heart, having motives that are innocent, and recognizing that pure motives flow from pure love. Pure thinking begins by knowing and accepting God’s agape love, and pouring that love into someone else’s life—especially our husband’s.” (p. 75)

Everyone in our Bible study group at the Navy base chapel agreed that, because of this study our hearts were touched, our lives were changed, and our marriages were improved. We had studied God’s word, examined ourselves, and made decisions to continue to grow, through the power of the Holy Spirit, more and more into the likeness of Jesus Christ.

“And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” — Colossians 1:10-14

Fishback, Bea. Loving Your Military Man: A Study for Women Based on Philippians 4:8. Little Rock: FamilyLife Publishing, 2007.

Questions to Share:

1. If you have ever had times of isolation and miscommunication in your marriage, what did you do to get past those times?

2. Do you look to God for forgiveness and renewal in your marriage? If so, would you pray a prayer of thanksgiving for that gracious gift and thank Him for His guidance as you continue to grow closer to Him?