Real Men Read “Heroes at Home”

“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” — Proverbs 25:11

I don’t think that “Real Men Read Heroes at Home” will become a bumper-sticker, but maybe it should. Ellie Kay’s great book, sub-titled “Help and Hope for America’s Military Families” became the topic of discussion recently when my husband and I gathered with some friends in military ministry. Heroes at Home is a favorite book of this group—we recommend it and give it as a gift every chance we get. It has helped many on active duty to understand and cope with the unique challenges of military life since it was published in 2002. In this book, Ellie Kay has combined her stories as an Air Force pilot’s wife with stories of others—from all branches and ranks—who have also lived the military life with grace and dignity.

In her introduction, Mrs. Kay writes, “Every family member is impacted when Mom or Dad takes the pledge to defend our country and risk his or her life to do so.” (p. 13) Because this is true, she includes helpful chapters on family moving tips, budgeting helps, importance of volunteering, parenting ideas, military acronyms and lingo, “stress busters”, and that all-important don’t-ever-forget-it life-saver known as a sense of humor!

But none of those good things were what our group was discussing.

And did I say that there is a lot of good material on deployments? Her chapter entitled “Operation Hearts Apart” lists the “Top Twelve Don’ts for Deployment”, beginning with “don’t have a negative attitude.” (p. 171). She has plenty of “to dos”, also, compiled from the hearts of many military wives who have much experience to share. My favorite part of this chapter is a “bonus section” entitled “The Service member’s ‘Wish Book.’” If you have ever wanted an idea for a friend going through deployment (yes, through) or even for yourself, then there is something in this chapter for you.

But that’s still not what we were discussing about the book.

I have to admit that my favorite part of her book is the end, where she brings it all together with a chapter on faith, entitled, “Courage Under fire—Facing Fear with Faith.” Let me share some of what she writes in this last section, “Sending a spouse on a deployment, out on a ship or to the field, is hard enough, but sending them into harm’s way is doubly difficult. Military spouses cope with these life-and-death situations as a matter of course, but that doesn’t mean it is easy. . . . . Some of the greatest personal growth I’ve seen in myself and in my friends has occurred during a time of extended separation. . . . .there is something different about this war on terrorism. . . I felt courage well up within me, the courage of many women who stood in my shoes decades before me as they sent their men into harm’s way. The courage was one that had been molded in deep faith and perfected in the fire of fifteen years’ experience.” (pgs. 183, 194)

So, with all of that said, what was it that our group of friends was discussing about the book that would bring us to report that “Real Men Read Heroes at Home”? Typically we in ministry give this book out to military wives who are holding down the home front. We acknowledge that this is not universal, however, as many mothers are deployed and fathers are holding home and family together in the States. So. . . .

What we were talking about in our group—was the children. Yes, the children. One of our group—a retired Army officer with 30 years in service—had decided to read Heroes at Home for himself. He was so moved by the stories of the families in the book that he decided to write a letter of thanks to each of his four grown children—all married, and one even serving now in Afghanistan. He said that he now has a better appreciation for what they did to support his service during all of his years of active duty, and he does not want the opportunity to slip by to thank them, individually and specifically, for their service to our country while they were growing up.

This faithful servant in our group, a Godly father, loving husband—knew that this was a way to bless his children for the blessing that they had been to he and his wife during their military career. We decided that this was a great idea, a God-honoring idea, that we wanted to pass along. And we also decided that Heroes at Home will now be given out to military Moms and Dads equally—there is material in this book for everyone. . . . . . .even retirees!!

Kay, Ellie. Heroes at Home: Help and Hope for America’s Military Families. Bethany House Publishers, 2002.

Questions to share:

1. Is there a letter of appreciation that you could write to someone who has helped you to serve our country?

2. Is there a military “brat” that you can thank for their service—even if it was years and years ago?