Can You Take a Dare?

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.  Do everything in love.”  — 1 Corinthians 16:13

I have been reading The Love Dare, the book featured in the recent movie Fireproof. This book is unique in that it examines love—married love—in all of its dimensions. And in forty lessons, forty days, the reader has the opportunity to be challenged in ways that perhaps he or she has never been challenged before—hence, “the dare”. Each day’s reading begins with a scripture, followed by writing about an aspect of love (honorable, patient, kind, impossible, accountable, enduring, etc.), and then concluding with an exercise—a dare—to demonstrate that particular aspect of love unconditionally to your spouse. On the back cover of the book you will find this statement, “The Love Dare is a 40-day challenge for husbands and wives to understand and practice unconditional love.  Whether your marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, The Love Dare is a journey you need to take.  It’s time to learn the keys to finding true intimacy and developing a dynamic marriage.  Take the dare!”

I have been going through the book day-by-day, reading the material and considering how The Love Dare can be accomplished while separated by deployment.  Actually, it hasn’t been that difficult to think creatively about ways to accomplish each dare even though apart. But when I got to Day 23, “Love always protects”, I had to pause. In this particular day’s reading, the authors examine the topic of threats. On p. 111 it says, “Unfortunately your marriage has enemies out there.  They come in different forms and use different strategies, but nonetheless they will conspire to destroy your relationship unless you know how to ward them off.”

As I was reading Day 23’s warnings and countermeasures, I was reminded of a very similar writing—although written thousands of years ago by King David—Psalm 101.  The similarities between the two chapters, one modern and one ancient, were striking to me.  For example:

— One of the warnings in “Love always protects” is to beware of harmful influences.  “Are you allowing certain habits to poison your home?  The Internet and television can be productive and enjoyable additions to your life, but they can also bring in destructive content and drain away precious hours from your family.” (p. 111)

Psalm 101 reminds us of the same thing, “I will walk in my house with blameless heart.  I will set before my eyes no vile thing.” (Psalm 101:3)  In his commentary on this psalm, Matthew Henry writes, “In all our worldly business we must see that what we set our eyes upon be right and good and not any forbidden fruit, and that we never seek that which we cannot have without sin. It is the character of a good man that he shuts his eyes from seeing evil.”

— Another warning is against unhealthy relationships. “Not everyone has the material to be a good friend. Not every man you hunt and fish with speaks wisely when it comes to matters of marriage. Not every woman in your lunch group has a good perspective on commitment and priorities. In fact, anyone who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be given the title of ‘friend.’”  (p. 112)

 King David gave a very similar warning, “The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me. Men of perverse heart shall be far from me; I will have nothing to do with evil.  Whoever slanders his neighbor in secret, him will I put to silence; whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart, him will I not endure.” (Psalm 101: 3b-5)

— At the end of the writing on Day 23, the authors conclude, “Men, you are the head of your home. You are the one responsible before God for guarding the gate and standing your ground against anything that would threaten your wife or marriage. This is no small assignment. It requires a heart of courage and a head for preemptive action.” (p. 113)

One of the best ways to guard your household, to be courageous and take preemptive action is to do what David writes in verse 6: “My eyes will be on the faithful in the land, that they may dwell with me; he whose walk is blameless will minister to me.” (Psalm 101:6) Faithful heroes will inspire—surround yourself with mentors who will model the blameless life and challenge you to do the same. King David is saying that he will seek out those who can lead him in a more righteous path, and that strong advice for the keeping of virtue is timeless—and priceless.

Psalm 101 has been called “The Magistrate’s Psalm” because King David was perhaps speaking of his plan for modeling excellent behavior in his government. But it has also been called “The Householder’s Psalm”— I believe because disciplined order and self-control begins at home. Perhaps we could also call it “The Deployment Psalm” for its timeless challenge to guard our eyes, our hearts, and our lives with purity.   

In conclusion, one whose heart declares with vibrancy the truth contained in the very first verse of Psalm 101 will be one who can read The Love Dare and live out its challenges:

“I will sing of Your love and justice; to You, O LORD, I will sing praise.”  — Psalm 101:1

Kendrick, Stephen & Alex, The Love Dare (Nashville, B & H Publishing Group, 2008)

Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary on the Whole Bible (Nashville, Thomas Nelson, 1997)

Questions to Share:

1.      Read Psalm 101. What challenges (or dares) do you read in the psalm that cause you to think about harmful influences in your life?

2.      What challenges do you read in the psalm that cause you to think about unhealthy relationships in your life?

3.      Who do you “look up to” at work or in your community who models purity in their life? What do they do that impresses you?