Lonely Christmas

“The angel of the Lord said to [the shepherds], “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:10-11

Though I sat in a room full of people, I’d never felt more alone. A big part of my heart was missing. It would have been our fourth Christmas together … and yet, we weren’t together. My sweet husband was many miles away in the Middle East. My children and I missed him terribly. It just didn’t feel “right.” Was this sacrifice we were making for our country really worth it? The selfish part of my heart said, “Let someone else fight. We need him here with us.” But alas, I had no choice – he was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. On the most joyful day of the year, I sat at my parents’ home filled with laughter and celebration, silently moping.

That’s when my Dad handed me a gift and card secretly sent from my dear husband. As I read the card, I realized the depths of my own self-absorption and inability to focus on the truly important aspects of Christmas. Through tear-filled eyes I read:

“To my love on Christmas,

Oh how I wish I were with you this blessed season – but God has other plans for us. And I trust Him. As the Bible says, “Blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.” (Proverbs 16:20b) He will bless us in due time. If not in this life, then in the glorious life to come which will far outshine all shadows of this age. Even in the glum of being apart on Christmas, my spirit is encouraged by the One who gives me life and brought us together, and gave us two wonderful children. He wants to bless us, has blessed us, and will bless us again. We are grounded on Him and therefore have more hope – hope which outlasts earthly life and temporal deployments, sin, war, and even death. I know you know this, but I write to encourage you to put your hope in Him and rest in His arms – the mighty arms of our Savior, who was once a child in a manger, a man of flesh, and also the risen and triumphant King over sin and death! He is my hope this season, our hope always, and I trust him to comfort and be with you when I cannot. He is Emmanuel, God with us. He is the reason we can love one another so deeply, and why I love you … forever.”

Oh, how God spoke right to my heart through my husband’s letter. Rather than trusting God’s plan for our family at this time, I was wishing I could plan my own life. Instead of focusing on God’s blessings, I sat alone, feeling cursed. When I should have been rejoicing in the hope of Jesus Christ, I was hoping my husband would walk through the door. Rather than opening my heart to receive God’s comfort, which was right there in front of me, I longed for the human comfort of my husband.

I wonder if Mary Livingstone ever felt the way I did on that lonely Christmas night. The wife of the great 19^th century English missionary to Africa, she and her husband David were apart over half their married life. They once spent nearly four years separated from each other, while he ministered to the physical and spiritual needs of thousands of Africans unreached by the Gospel or the wonders of modern medicine. In poor health, Mary raised six children nearly by herself. She sometimes traveled for months to see her husband, leaving the children behind with grandparents. Both husband and wife sacrificed much for a higher calling. In the spring of 1862, shortly after the birth of their last child, Mary once again journeyed over land and sea to rejoin her husband. However, Mary never returned from her last trip. After three joyful months together, she was taken quickly by malaria. David was devastated. He wrote: “It was the first heavy stroke I have suffered, and quite takes away my strength. I wept over her, who well deserved many tears. I loved her when I married her, and the longer I lived with her I loved her the more.”

And yet Livingstone’s perspective remained eternal. He did not cease his work; rather, he renewed his vision to draw souls to Christ and bring provision, healing, and comfort to the sick. Even as he mourned his dear wife, he said: “There is a Ruler above, and His Providence guides all things. He is our Friend, and has plenty of work for all His people to do . . . such a blessing and a privilege to be led into His work instead of into the service of the hard taskmasters—the Devil and sin.” As a friend of God, Mary Livingstone humbly considered others better than herself (Philippians 2:3). She and David treasured the time they had together, but felt blessed and privileged to serve God in such amazing ways, even when it meant they were separated. Sure, Mary and I lived in different centuries, different countries, and married men of different vocations. But, we shared one important thing: we both loved our husbands enough to let them fulfill their calling – God’s calling – for their lives.

That night, as I finished the letter, the most beautiful thing happened. God used the very one for whom my heart yearned to draw me back to Himself alone: “I love you, My child. I am here with you. What more could you need?” I snapped out of my pity-party and back to reality. I had been incredibly blessed. And I had the hope of Christ in my life. It was Christmas, and indeed time to celebrate! “Joy to the world, the Lord has come. Let earth receive her King!”

Pray: Lord, I need You more each day. Too often, I focus on myself and the pleasures of this life, when I should be looking to You and the hope of heaven. Turn my heart toward You when I lose perspective.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Questions to Share:

1. Am I content with what I have?

2. Do I truly place my trust in Christ alone for my satisfaction and hope?