“That Triangle Thing!”

Excellent or Praiseworthy is posted Monday and Thursday nights.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. — Colossians 3:12-15

Picture a triangle. At the lower left corner put the word “Husband.” At the lower right corner put the word “Wife.” At the top of the triangle put “God.” That’s the picture of a marriage. It takes three. When we are leading a Bible study on marriage, we always end up sharing this illustration because the simplicity and beauty of “the triangle” is powerful. What we like to explain is that when the husband moves closer to God, and the wife moves closer to God, you can see that they will move closer to each other. With arrows moving up the two sides of the triangle, and the distance between the two points shrinking, you can see how this is clear.

A few years ago we shared this illustration with one of our HomeBuilders’ classes. It’s not an original idea—just one we pass along because of the great truth that it portrays. Truly, as a couple moves closer to God they do move closer to each other! Apparently one of our couples that year really took the triangle lesson to heart. A year later they were part of another marriage small group—this time a HomeBuilders class for police officers/EMS/firefighters called “Protecting Your First Responder Marriage.” This particular firefighter, I’ll call him “Jim,” explained to the group that their marriage had greatly improved since the last class. He said that they had typically argued over just about everything. . . . but that had radically changed and they were enjoying each other and looking for ways to serve each other.

I asked the obvious, “What happened to cause that change for the better?” Jim answered, “That triangle thing!”. . . . and given that we live in the south it came out more like “That triangle thang!” My husband and I were shocked—even though we shouldn’t have been! After all, God’s truth lovingly shared in a small group can have tremendous impact—we know that. But it just came out from this young man so suddenly and matter-of-factly that we had to stop in amazement and ask—“Could you tell us more? What were you doing that you knew you were growing closer to God?”

“Well,” he said, “I started reading my Bible, and coming to church. . . . and praying together. . . being thankful for my family . . . and it just bit-by-bit showed in the way we treated each other. Now the little things don’t bother us. We don’t fly off-the-handle when schedules change or something goes wrong that before would have made us mad.” Wow! We knew that our daughter had invited this firefighter to our church years ago . . . but we had no idea of the impact that his attendance, he and his new wife’s commitment to the Lord and our fellowship, and their time in small group had in their marriage.

When Jim shared this story I was reminded of a poem called “Marriage Takes Three” by Perry Tanksley:

“I once thought marriage took
Just two to make it go
But now I am convinced
It takes the Lord also.
And not one marriage fails
Where Christ is asked to enter
As lovers come together
With Jesus at the center.
But marriage seldom thrives
And homes are incomplete
Till He is welcomed there
To help avoid defeat.
In homes where God is first
It’s obvious to see
These unions really work
For marriage still takes three.”

God made marriage. Jesus spoke these words in Matthew 19:4-6: “Haven’t you read,” He replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

During deployment a couple must be intentional about staying connected while apart. There have been several Excellent or Praiseworthy devotionals about this topic—just click on “Marriage and Family” to find additional encouragement in this area. But the main point is that growing in your walk with the Lord—looking to Him for guidance, strength and comfort; seeking His will in your daily decisions; taking the chance to sing in joy for His remarkable provision and protection; understanding His sovereignty in the challenges of wartime separation; using this stressful time as an opportunity to grow in forgiveness and grace; learning patience (again and again); feeling His presence during times of fear and loneliness; knowing that His love is everlasting, no matter what—these are the truths that will create oneness in a couple.

It’s “that triangle thing!”

Questions to Share:

1. In what ways are you aware that God has been a part of your marriage?

2. In what ways can you make deliberate steps to move closer in your relationship with God during this deployment? (even if your spouse doesn’t)