Don’t Leave Home Without It

Excellent or Praiseworthy is posted on Monday and Thursday nights.

Make plans by seeking advice. . .Proverbs 20:18a

Our flight was delayed—eventually cancelled. The rush to get everything done with work and home in order to get out-of-town had left us exhausted, so standing in a long line to be re-routed was a bit of an exercise in patience. It would be twenty-four hours before we could catch another international flight, so we were disappointed (to say the least). But one of the ladies in front of us was crying over it all. . . . so we thought we were holding up pretty well in comparison. As we were standing in line, an email devotional came into my husband’s cell phone—a “Moments with You” devotional from FamilyLife. The day’s devotional (written by Dennis & Barbara Rainey) was on the stresses of traveling and how they can affect your marriage. Yes–we’re there!! We had to smile as we read:

“Barbara and I know a little about building into our marriage when we are separated by travel. In fact, some of our most miserable disagreements have occurred around traveling.”

Okay, so we weren’t “separated” by travel—but our marriage was strained by the common travel preparations. We were immediately “tuned in” to what the Raineys had to share with us in their daily devotional.

“We’ve come to greatly admire those married couples who serve in the military and are separated for long periods of time because of deployments.”

There’s much that goes into preparing a marriage for deployment—and the closer the time gets the more the compounding stress can impact a family. We agreed with what was written, and read on. . . .huddled over the little phone. . .

“Travel can take a toll on a marriage. In the process of making hundreds of adjustments, we’ve learned a few lessons.”

We’re all ears!  Line-by-line we scrolled down. . .

“1. As much as possible, don’t leave packing and preparation until the last few hours at home. If you’re rushed and feeling stressed, the chances of a major misunderstanding and of provoking a conflict rise steeply.”

I think most of our trips consist of last-minute preparations, so I appreciate the fact that Dennis added “As much as possible.” In terms of deployment, preparations can go for months, or all be made in several days (or hours). Best to be flexible. . . . and do what you can before-hand. . . just in case. Dennis Rainey is right—the potential for misunderstandings and conflict increase with the pressure.

“2. When a conflict or an argument occurs, do your best to resolve tensions before you leave. I have to admit that I’ve made a few calls from the airport back to Barbara to apologize and ask for forgiveness.”

Okay, maybe “before you leave” won’t always work due to the hasty nature of some deployments—but resolving tensions is something that we know is best addressed sooner rather than later. And it’s important to remember that your spouse is not your enemy! Asking for forgiveness may be the most important thing you need to do before leaving the country or separating because of deployment.

“3. When you say goodbye, always kiss, hug and say tender words from your heart. Leave a memory that speaks loudly of your love and commitment.”

Farewells can be heart-wrenching. Tears are expected. Describing those tender moments as “leaving a memory that speaks loudly of your love and commitment” is a great way of conveying the drama that is taking place between you and your family. It’s okay to show emotion. . . . and don’t forget to say those important words “I Love You.”

“4. Use the phone to check in.”
“5. Use email to send ‘I’m thinking of you’ and ‘I love you’ notes.”

In other words—communication is very important! Distance may separate you geographically, but staying in touch via phone or email can keep you close emotionally even while deployed. Be creative in how you communicate your love to each other, even while apart.

“6. Pray for one another and with one another. It’s an excellent way to end a call. As much as prayer binds you together when you are at home, it’s needed more when you are separated.”

Yep, he nailed it! Prayer is so important—when you’re together, when you’re leaving, when you’re standing in an airport line with cranky people. . . . all the time.

The day’s devotional ended with this statement concerning prayer: “Ask God to give you a supernatural ability to keep your love fresh during times of separation.”

Reading this “cell phone” devotional didn’t fix our airplane . . . didn’t make the line at the counter go any faster—but it was a reality check on what is really important as we travel and as we see couples separate during deployment.

Work cited:

Rainey, Dennis and Barbara, Moments With You online devotional from FamilyLife (www.familylife.com), April 9^th.

Questions to Share:

1. In what ways do you find the preparations for deployment to be stressful?

2. In what ways can you prepare ahead of time for your deployment time apart?

Recommended reading: Making Your Marriage Deployment Ready, HomeBuilders Bible study published by FamilyLife, 2008.