“Eloquent Silence”

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Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” — 2 Corinthians 1:3,4

Sometimes . . . when someone has experienced a tragedy, it’s best to sit with them in silence. Not always, but sometimes. Alistair Begg, senior pastor of Parkside Church in Cleveland, Ohio, calls that “Eloquent Silence.”

I remember one of our local chaplains telling us about a visit he made to a Navy family in the housing area whose baby had died. When he arrived, he sat with the couple on the front porch. Just sat with them. Later the couple told him that was the most helpful thing he could have done at the time. He acted according to Romans 12:15, “. . . mourn with those who mourn.”

The book of Job gives us insight into this matter of comforting others in tough times. When Job loses everything—children, possessions, health—there are three friends who come to check on him: “When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. . . . When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words” (Job 2:11-13).

But then they started critiquing Job’s situation—analyzing why they believed God had allowed him to suffer so horribly. In Job 13:5 we read Job’s assessment of their “help”: “As for you, you smear me with lies. As physicians, you are worthless quacks. If only you could be silent! That’s the wisest thing you could do.”

Instead of offering their own advice, what if they had encouraged Job with God’s truth? What if they had prayed with Job, which they never did? We have no record of any of his friends praying with him, or helping to care for his wife during her time of confusion and grief.

Perhaps you have done comforting things for others who are suffering—you have spent time with them; you have wept with them; you have encouraged them with Scripture; you have prayed; you have provided meals/done laundry/offered transportation or finances. You have looked into your heart and thought how you would want to be comforted, or remembered how you have been graciously comforted by God and others during your own crisis times—and you offered real encouragement. Indeed, you have shown compassion: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3:12).

In a strange twist at the end of the story of Job, the Lord tells his three friends to go to Job and seek forgiveness. Their words to Job, recorded at length in the book, had angered God: “So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has” (Job 42:8).

Mike Mason, in his classic book on Job entitled The Gospel According to Job: An Honest Look at Pain and Doubt from the Life of One Who Lost Everything, writes a further explanation of this: “Perhaps more than any other Old Testament character, Job through his unmerited suffering becomes a reflection of Jesus, a Christ-figure. For it is not simply through sacrifice and prayer that Job’s friends gain their forgiveness, but rather through the entire mystery of Job’s suffering which, by sending its relentless roots deep into their hard hearts, has been invisibly breaking ground for the living God. Thus those who had considered Job ‘stricken by God, smitten by him and afflicted’ in the end receive healing through his wounds. Healing for what? Healing for wounds less visible than Job’s, wounds they did not even know they had: the wounds of lovelessness. When the powerful come to the powerless for help, there the door to the Kingdom of God swings open.” (p. 434)

Through the years I have learned better than to say, “I understand what you’re going through”—when I really don’t. I know better than to tell my own story that’s similar, but not exactly. I now know that a gentle touch, a sympathizing tear, and an offer to help go a long ways. Not trying to fix the situation, or to “fix” the friends, but standing by them through the crisis.

To love like Christ loves . . . with grace . . . that is the goal.

Jesus says in John 15:12: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”

Work Cited:

Mason, Mike, The Gospel According to Job: An Honest Look at Pain and Doubt from the Life of One Who Lost Everything (Wheaton: Crossway Books, 1994).

Questions to Share:

1. When you have experienced a crisis, how has someone helped you then that you truly appreciated?

2. Have you ever gone to encourage someone going through a hard time, and they ended up encouraging you? That is a remarkable grace which God gives to those going through extreme circumstances. Have you ever experienced that kind of grace?

3.  Have you had a time during this deployment when you sat with someone during their time of loss and comforted them?  Tell each other about that time.