Fighting the Loneliness

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Fight the good fight of the faith. —  I Timothy 6:12

My husband returned four months ago from a year-long deployment to Afghanistan. This was our first deployment, and we were stationed in the United Kingdom when he was given the orders. We quickly had to decide whether I would stay in the UK or return to the States to be closer to family while he was gone.

My husband thought I would be happier being close to family, but I felt the Lord telling me to trust Him and stay in the UK, even if it meant I was going to be alone. This was a hard decision because I felt I was staring my biggest fear right in the face—I was going to be left alone in a foreign country while my husband went to war. Scary!

As my husband and I prepared for the deployment, and throughout the deployment, God was constantly reminding me of His precious promise in Deuteronomy 31:8 that He would never leave me nor forsake me. I needed to know that, and it was such a comfort to me.

Also, in Psalms 139:1-18, I was encouraged by King David when he cries out to God saying:

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!  How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with you.

This was such a comfort to me. Even when I felt lonely, God was always with me. The remembrance of that strengthened me.

Everyone experiences loneliness at one time or another. Because of the demands of the military life, military spouses experience the weight of husbands or wives leaving for duty on orders. The family is left to find a “new normal” while a very important part of the family is not physically present. Besides deployments and TDYs, moves can leave us in unfamiliar surroundings and with unfamiliar faces—and later having to say “good-bye” to those same faces. The military members, too, go all over the world to serve in detrimental environments, always meeting new people and doing new jobs. So how do we cope with the potential loneliness that comes with this lifestyle?

We do not need to be afraid of being alone—nor is this feeling of loneliness uncommon. When experiencing these feelings, we should do what King David did many times—cry out to God. This “man after God’s own heart” (I Samuel 13:14), who often experienced war and was often “deployed” to fight for his people, writes over and over in the book of Psalms about being lonely as he turns to God for strength: “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted . . . Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you” (Psalm 25:16, 20-21).

Our year of deployment was the hardest time of our lives so far. But we learned valuable lessons. We grew closer to God and we grew in our marriage. We met great friends and we served those God placed around us. I found comfort in knowing feeling lonely was not abnormal. And most importantly, I found comfort in God and knowing that He promises to always be with my husband and with me. I may have felt physically alone, but God was always with me.

If you find yourself fighting loneliness, turn to God’s word for encouragement and guidance first. Pray for God to place people around you who can be a support system. Also, pray for people whom you can serve. Serving others always helps us think less often about our circumstances and focus on helping others. Be ready for God to answer those prayers!

No matter where we go in the military—and no matter where our spouses go—our God is always with us. God knows you and He made you. He has placed you where you are for a reason. What a promise that is to us in this military lifestyle!

Questions to Share:

1. When have you felt the most alone?  What did you do to fight the feelings of loneliness?

2. How can you encourage each other during deployment when faced with loneliness?