Wedding Plans All Made … and Then!!

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“We do not know what to do, but we are looking to you for help” (2 Chronicles 20:12b NLT).

Perfect wedding plans were made … and then.  And then there was the pandemic … or the deployment … or the hurricane. And all the plans had to be changed, or cancelled, or postponed.  Not so easy when there are friends and family with airline tickets.  Or reservations for venues, florists, caterers, photographers, and hotels—not to mention deposits made on new apartments.  The list of wedding arrangements, now in turmoil, could go on and on … but perhaps you know the scene all too well.  Your “gut” is tied in knots as you see all of your lifelong dreams fade, disappear, or just “explode.”

What to do?

Recently we have seen engaged couples wrestle with wedding decisions like never before—because of COVID 19.  So we collected some sage advice from those with experience in these topsy-turvy matters, and will share five points to consider as you are going through the matrix of decision-making in the midst of shock and ahhhh!!! (not awe!!).  They could be considered “steps,” but they are most likely points that will collide too quickly to recover from one step before you can take another one.

Here we go:

1. Deal with Reality.

As much as you would like for the virus to go away quickly, for the deployment orders to be cancelled, or the hurricane to change course, reality says that you are not in control.  Zero control.  That, in itself, is enough to deal with.  But steps have to be taken if you are still going to get married—and maybe have a wedding that resembles your desires.

• Acknowledge your helplessness in this circumstance. Pray for the Lord to guide your steps with His wisdom. “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5).
• Remember what you DO know—that God brought you two together, and has a great plan for your life. And remember that God is FAITHFUL, and loves you very much.  “He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way.  The LORD leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands” (Psalm 25:9,10).
• Consider all your options—and write them down. Make a list of the pros and cons of each, seeking wise counsel from those who are trusted advisors. Discussions could include: “Do we get married quickly—and have a reception later?  Do we wait and have the wedding at the same venue when they are open?” Etc.!!! Talk calmly (as much as you can!) about the possibilities—and the ramifications of each.  Pray some more. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you” (Psalm 32:8).

2. Difficult Conversations

With your mind—and hearts—set on your covenant marriage, and not just the wedding, share with each other your hopes, fears, concerns, and expectations.  Be honest, knowing that you and your fiancée might not agree on the plan going forward.  This is a time for more prayer—for unity.  “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:14).

This might not be the only conversation you need to have—because your families are involved, too.  Your decision affects a circle of people who love you, and want the best for you—and they might have their own opinions.  How much weight do you put in each relatives’ viewpoint?

This is a time to BE THANKFUL.  God will guide your steps.  He has promised that.  Thank Him at every turn of this remarkable (unexpected) journey.  Because He is there.  He promised.  “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (I Thessalonians 5:16-18).

3. Decision Time

As much as you dearly love your family and friends, the decision will be yours. Honor each other with your mutual decision, in submission and respect.  And make sure you ask yourselves, “How best can we honor God?”  The clock is ticking, and decisions must be made.  God will honor each and every step, if you trust Him in the midst of what appears to be chaos.  “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take” (Proverbs 3:5,6).

4. Discuss Attitudes

No matter what you decide, someone will be disappointed by your decision about the new timing of your wedding. If there is “negative talk” going on in the family circle, remind them that we serve a God who ­­­sees, and cares. Acknowledge that God IS in control, and He may be up to something in the midst of all of the disappointments which you cannot see right now.  He IS a God of redemption (Romans 8:28).  Pray. “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” (Romans 12:12).

5. Do’s and Don’ts

Do allow yourself to grieve the loss of your dream wedding (that’s important!!), but don’t whine. Do thank God that He has guided you, and thank Him for how He is going to redeem the circumstances. Don’t dwell on “what might have been.” Reassure others that you appreciate their input and love … and will need their support in the days ahead.

Even though the context of this verse concerns the Israelites entering the Promised Land, with Joshua as their leader, Moses’ words still speak truth to us in these days of uncertainty: “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Your wedding will be beautiful.  God will be there.

“May the LORD bless you and keep you.  May the LORD make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; May the LORD lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace” (Numbers 6:24-26).