“Deep Calls to Deep”

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The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.—I Corinthians 2: 10.

Above all, love each other deeply. . .  —  I Peter 4:8

How is communication going with your spouse during this deployment?

During the Vietnam War, the only voice communication my husband and I had was MARS radio. Better than nothing, but only three minutes once a month and punctuated with the required “over” before we could exchange pleasantries—all overheard by a Ham radio operator somewhere on the west coast.

So letters were our main form of communication—and I still have those letters today (steaming in an old trunk). The beauty of letters was that we were free to share deeply. . . our inmost thoughts and fears. It was probably that deep level of communication which kept us so close during wartime separation.

Did you know that there are levels of communication? In FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember material we are taught that the levels are: 1) cliché (non-sharing); 2) fact (sharing what you know); 3) opinion (sharing what you think); 4) emotion (sharing what you feel); 5) transparency (sharing who you are). The statement is made in the conference workbook that “Understanding increases with increased levels of communication.” (p. 92). It also states that “one goal for this weekend is to go to the next level in your communication.” (p. 26)

A couple that is “stuck” in just sharing facts with each other is a couple who needs to go deeper in their communication—especially if they are going to understand how each other is coping with the challenges of deployment—especially if their reintegration is going to go smoothly.

I like the word “deep.” For example, I like to have “deep conversations”, and to know that I am “deeply loved.” The dictionary uses words such as “profound”, “serious”, “absorbing”, “intense” to define its use in these terms.

In Richard Foster’s classic book, Celebration of Disciple: The Path to Spiritual Growth, he challenges us to be “deep people”: “Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people.” (p. 1)

He goes on to write: “Psalm 42:7 reads ‘Deep calls to deep.’ Perhaps somewhere in the subterranean chambers of your life you have heard the call to deeper, fuller living. You have become weary of frothy experiences and shallow teaching. Every now and then you have caught glimpses, hints of something more than you have known. Inwardly you long to launch out into the deep.” (p. 2)

I believe Christians want to grow deeper in their relationships because that is the model which God gives us. In all things He is deep. . . and He loves deeply, cares deeply, listens deeply, understands deeply. When we seek to demonstrate Christlikeness in our life, we live as He did—with deep sacrifice and deep compassion.

So it’s not just a good goal to set in your communication skills. It’s a good goal to set in your life. In the Valley of Vision prayer book we find this great old Puritan prayer called “The Deeps”:

Lord Jesus,
Give me a deeper repentance,
a horror of sin,
a dread of its approach;
Help me chastely to flee it,
and jealously to resolve that my heart shall be thine alone.
Give me a deeper trust,
that I may lose myself to find myself in thee,
the ground of my rest,
the spring of my being.
Give me a deeper knowledge of thyself
as savior, master, lord, and king.
Give me deeper power in private prayer,
more sweetness in thy Word,
more steadfast grip on its truth.
Give me deeper holiness in speech, thought, action,
and let me not seek moral virtue apart from thee.
Plough deep in me, great Lord, heavenly husbandman,
that my being may be a tilled field,
the roots of grace spreading far and wide,
until thou alone art seen in me,
thy beauty golden like summer harvest,
thy fruitfulness as autumn plenty.
I have no master but thee,
no law but thy will,
no delight but thyself,
no wealth but that thou givest,
no good but that thou blesses,
no peace but that thou bestowest.
I am nothing but that thou makest me,
I have nothing but that I receive from thee,
I can be nothing but that grace adorns me.
Quarry me deep, dear Lord,
and then fill me to overflowing with living water. (p. 75)

Live deeply, love deeply—everything will have more meaning when put under the scrutiny of God’s truth. And share your deepest thoughts and feelings with each other—you will grow closer, even when you are apart!

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” — Ephesians 3:17-19

Work Cited:

Barnhart, Clarence L., Editor-in-Chief, The American College Dictionary (New York: Random House, 1955)

Bennett, Arthur, editor, The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions (Carlisle, PA: The Banner of Truth Trust)

FamilyLife workbook for Weekend to Remember, Little Rock: FamilyLife, 2005

FamilyLife workbook for Weekend to Remember, Little Rock: FamilyLife, 2009

Foster, Richard J., Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth (New York: Harper Collins Publishers, 1998)

Questions to Share:

1.  Deeper communication requires asking thought-provoking questions of each other. Ask each other what God is teaching you during this deployment in regards to patience.

2.  Deeper communication requires listening carefully to each other’s fears, joys, plans, memories, dreams, concerns. Ask each other what you believe God would want your marriage to be like in ten years.