Lonely but Not Alone

Excellent or Praiseworthy is posted on Monday and Thursday nights.

Editor’s Note: We are honored to have an active-duty chaplain contribute a message to his shipmates for posting on Excellent or Praiseworthy.

From the words of King David, the great warrior:  “Where can I go from Your Spirit?  Where can I flee from Your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.” — Psalm 139:7-10

Good Morning Shipmates,

Let’s be honest. . . . military life can be lonely. For example, being away from family and loved ones for long periods of time; submitting to out-of-normal routines and structure (although I could argue deployment provides its own sort of “structure”); and saturation in a military culture that positions you in places of leadership and responsibility where mission dictates function regardless of how it affects people. Each of these has its own contribution to my broad definition of “loneliness.” And loneliness, in certain conditions, has a tendency to deplete strength from the best of people. This can be an unfortunate and unintended consequence of military life. As I look around the ward room and mess deck I see talented people who are committed to fulfilling the mission with excellence. However, I also see “tired.”

The source of “tired” can be either of the physical, emotional, cognitive, or spiritual genre. Regardless of source, most experience it. However, the question is can we manage it before “it” manages us?

You might say, “Thanks, Chaplain, for telling me what I already know.” Or you might suggest shortsighted “solutions” to the suggested issue like, “This is the military, so suck it up and deal with it.” As prior enlisted this was a response I heard many times—but long-term it is not the most useful, as we apply band-aids to acute issues.

The question then is “Where does one go to find strength?” Good answers might include: a good nights sleep, enjoying a favorite meal, getting lost in a good movie or book, or enjoying conversation with people whose company you find beneficial. The list could go on . . . Each of these provides a form of “respite” that produces personal vigor. The benefit to any of the preceding activities is you begin to feel “human” again, even for the briefest of moments. However, there is a greater rest available that is often neglected.

Consider that there is a source for True Help that comes from outside ourselves.

Then consider these thoughts:

First, self-care is intrinsically spiritual in nature. As I read Scripture, God leads by asserting we care for others, but not to the neglect of ourselves. In many cases, the former is easier while the latter is ignored—proper diet, exercise, rest. The window of opportunity to provide self-care may be narrow, so we need to lock on and push through—take the opportunity when it arises, without guilt.

Second, there is strength to be found in one’s faith. For me, I get strength from knowing God provides structure to my soul by ultimately exercising His sovereign control, even when it appears confusing. One example might be when we feel compelled to compare assignments, or impatiently “wait” for a new one. Comparisons, be they people, attractive assignments or enviable geographic locations are common but not always beneficial.

What is beneficial, however, is finding a few moments to shut it all down and remind oneself to rest in God. A practical example might be to say, “This is where God has called me for now, and I’m going to give myself wholeheartedly to it.” The tendency is to always look ahead to people-places-things thinking “it will be better when _____.” The reality is when you get there it’s not always that satisfying.

Third—one of my favorite passages in Scripture is: “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). The subtle genius of this passage is the call of stilling oneself, i.e., resting silently under God’s loving hand of leadership. I reflect upon one profound thought: “I’m not God!” Some might respond, “Well, of course not!” But before you move on too quickly, take a moment to pause and evaluate the activities of your life over the past few days, weeks, months, maybe even years. Could it be there is disconnect between what you intuitively know to be priority and your daily activities? If these two get lost in the busy-ness of life, it’s almost impossible to find true rest or renew one’s strength long term.

But again, we apply band-aids . . . .

Finally—this brings me to my final point: Personally, I draw strength from the simple things in life. I find rest, peace and comfort in remembering, sometimes even confessing (journaling or verbally speaking) what my priorities are. I want to encourage you to take time today for self-care. I would encourage you, even most briefly, to reflect upon what’s good in life by reminding yourself Who is in control, where you are fortunate (blessed), and what God’s priorities are (aligning yourself to them). The challenge is almost always found in our practice.

Self-care, sovereignty, stillness, simplicity—strength.

Closing Prayer—“Lord, help me pause today and take inventory of my life. Almighty God, guide me to see where I have lost sight of what’s most important in life. Direct my steps and provide the courage necessary that I may draw strength as I seek to live according to what’s most valuable. Amen.”

Questions to Share:

1. When have you found military life to be lonely, even when surrounded by others? Why?
2. Which of the four points above have you practiced and found strength from God?