The Curse of Comparison

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When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” — John 21:21,22

As noble and mature as military couples are, there is a fiery dart which Satan can fire straight from his arsenal into their hearts. It is the dart of discouragement, and I believe it is Satan’s favorite weapon.

Oftentimes discouragement comes from a season of comparison—never a good idea to compare yourself, your marriage, your kids, your career, your possessions, your struggles, your purposes, with others. But we all do it. Sometimes we actually believe, “The grass is greener”—but it isn’t.

Sometimes I hear things like, “Deployment is difficult being at home with four kids to take care of!” followed by, “Just four kids? I have six!” Or “These deployments are killing me. I’ve been gone from the family for six deployments in ten years!” followed by, “Only six deployments? I’ve been coming and going with deployments for years with only a few days home a month!”

And the challenges of deployment are not the only basis for comparison. Pastor Stephen Davey of Colonial Baptist Church in Cary, North Carolina, suggests this common list:

• Some Christians will prosper, while others will encounter financial hardship;
• Some Christians will experience sickness, while others remain healthy;
• Some Christians will enjoy the security of family, while others will lose their loved ones early on;
• Some Christians will live a long life, while others will die young;
• Some Christians will reach differing conclusions about the Christian walk than others;
• Some Christians will not allow a television in their home, while others will allow one in every room;
• Some Christians will send their kids to public school, while others will send theirs only to a Christian school or believe schooling should be done at home;
• Some Christians will eat only natural foods, avoiding sugar, coffee, and white flour, and will die at the ripe old age of eighty-five, while others will have coffee every morning, white bread for lunch, and chocolate covered doughnuts every night before bed, and will also die at the age of eighty-five, only much happier!

And the list can go on and on. There are thousands of issues that are between the believer and His Lord.

The truth is that comparison is a deadly game. And we see Jesus cutting it short in Peters’ life when Peter asks Jesus to consider his future as compared to John’s. “What about him?” Peter asks of Jesus in regards to John. And Jesus says, “ . . . what is that to you? You must follow me.” Jesus’ challenge to Peter is strong—to keep his focus on the Lord, not on the “other guy”.

Pastor Davey gives five “prescriptions for unhealthy comparison” in his sermon entitled, “Snooping . . . Comparing and Other Natural Diseases.” They are simple and truthful—and worth repeating as a means to encourage all of us. Pastor Davey says, “I want to offer the antidote for these diseases (comparison, meddling, snooping). I want to prescribe the biblical cure. I want to supply the prescription for unhealthy comparison.”

1. “Prescription number one is to recognize that God made you for a unique purpose. In other words, face up to who you are!”

2. “Prescription number two is to remember that God created other people for their unique purpose. In other words, face up to who you are not!”

3. “Prescription number three is to recognize that the object of your human comparison is a human being.”

Pastor Davey continues with this “prescription” by adding, “We mentally build all of these greener pasture myths about someone else’s ability, someone else’s walk with God. We perceive that certainly their lives must be happier, easier, richer, and more bearable. We imagine that their lives must be short of heaven.

No! The truth is, the greener grass on the other side is just as hard to mow!

Paul tells us, in II Corinthians, chapter 10, verse 12, ‘When you compare yourselves among yourselves, you are not wise.’

You are comparing clay pots with clay pots—big deal!”

4. “Prescription number four is to realize that human comparison will always produce spiritual diseases.”

Discouragement, pride, envy, hatred, fruitlessness, defeat—cumulative and compounding symptoms of the disease curse of comparison.

5. Fortunately there is a final antidote. “Prescription number five is to readjust your sights so that they are no longer earthly, but heavenly.”

This last prescription points us to the answer found in Hebrews 12:1-3, “ . . . let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith . . . so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Not looking side-to-side in comparison, but ever forward . . . pushing ahead with resolve and faith, knowing your identity in Christ and knowing His faithfulness.

This reminds me of an Old Testament passage when King Jehoshaphat was faced with an overwhelming enemy force. He prayed, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.” (II Chronicles 20:12)

There was victory from God for Judah in that story, just as there is victory for Christians who continue to face each day and each trial with their minds set not on earthly comparisons, which can discourage and defeat, but only on the incomparable heavenly glory of Jesus Christ.

So the next time you are tempted to compare yourself, your life, or your challenges with others’, remember to consider your uniqueness and worth; remember the uniqueness and worth of the other–and their own human frailties; remember the dangers inherent with comparison; and remember to look to Christ alone for perspective and hope.

And instead of giving in to the temptation of “one-ups-manship” in the trials of deployment, ask your friend or acquaintance or even your spouse, “Deployments can be challenging for both of us.  How can we pray for each other during deployment?”

Work Cited:

“Snooping . . . Comparing and Other Natural Diseases” sermon preached by Pastor Stephen Davey on April 30, 1995, at Colonial Baptist Church in Cary, North Carolina.

Questions to Share:

1. The old hymn “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” concludes “Turn your eyes upon Jesus; Look full in His wonderful face; And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace.” What people or things have you been focusing on—comparing yourself with—that have caused you to become discouraged?

2. Read Psalm 145. Name five characteristics of God for which you can praise Him. How can thinking about the greatness of God cause you to put life in perspective?

3.  Ask your spouse how you can pray for them this week.