“They Don’t Want to Hear It!”

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Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. — I Timothy 4:12

My husband and I had two similar conversations recently—one with a young sailor and the other with a young airman. Both are Christians, happily married, and growing in their faith. Both wanted to invite others (neighbors, friends at work) to attend a local marriage seminar our church was sponsoring. Both said the same thing to us, “It seems all of these folks are struggling in their marriages—I hear about it all the time!!—but they won’t come to the seminar. They’re not interested. They don’t want to hear anything about it!!”

And they both asked us, “What do we do?” “We want to offer them help, but it’s like they don’t care to listen to what we have to say!”

Ever been there? Maybe you are the one frustrated because you have THE answer to marital struggles and no one wants to hear . . . or maybe you were the one who “tuned-out” a similar suggestion in years past because life was just too complicated, or you didn’t want to be bothered on a weekend, or you needed a babysitter, or you wanted to go but your spouse didn’t, or you thought you would be asked to “air your dirty laundry in front of strangers” or . . . the list of excuses goes on and on.

In both cases, we encouraged our military friends not to give up, but to set a good example especially in their work ethic, their language, and their marriage. They both said they had been doing that, but “it’s not making any difference.”

We persisted in our encouragement, because this is just too important:

Be patient! One of the advantages of being older is you can look back and see how God worked in your life to bring about change—and often transformation takes time.

Be pure! Another advantage of being older is you can look back and see how God worked in your life to bring about change—and often that takes someone to set a good example.

Be positive! A big advantage of being older is you can look back and see how God worked in your life to bring about change—and often that takes someone to encourage you.

Be in prayer! For them—for yourself. It’s probably THE most important thing you can do. A huge advantage of being older is you can look back and see how God worked in your life to bring about change—and to thank Him. And to pray for others to know Him, too.

God is always at work, and He uses us in that work if we are obedient to His direction. Whether we know it or not, people are watching—and listening—and noticing the way we honor each other in our marriage, the way we speak (to everyone), and the attitudes we demonstrate in our jobs.

A week ago, all of this “came home” to our hearts in a very real way. We attended a reunion of our squadron stationed in Europe in the 1970s. We were not Christians then, and said and did some things which we regret. But the reunion was a time to celebrate our friendships through the years—and to reconnect with those whom we had not seen. Life, for all of us, had taken unexpected twists and turns . . . but smiles melted the years away forging bonds of understanding without a word spoken.

I saw a lady whom I had not seen in a very long time. A devout Christian and wife of a former POW, she and her husband had set a godly example for us in ways she had not realized—and I had not voiced. But the Holy Spirit moved me to thank her for her example, and I took the time to enumerate the ways in which we “had been watching” during those years.

As a young wife without much military experience, I watched how she spoke to her husband in public with respect. I knew how they made their decision for off-base housing—with prayer. I learned from her quiet attitude when unscheduled TDYs came up and we all jumped into disgust and complaining—except her. Her countenance was lovely—before I even knew the word “countenance.” But I was watching!!

So at the reunion I had the chance to thank her for being patient, for being pure, and for being positive. We connected heart-to-heart . . . and we prayed.

Let me encourage any of you who are struggling with your role in the military—People are watching. And they are listening. And they need the Lord. They need hope. With the Holy Spirit alive and active in your hearts, know that you are making an eternal difference in the lives of others by being light in a dark world.

And God will be glorified.

Questions to Share:

1. Is there someone you remember who modeled Christ-like living to you? Share with your spouse who that was and how they influenced you.

2. If possible, write a note or email to that person. If not possible, thank God for them and pray for them today—that they would continue to lead others in their walk and their talk.