Bob and Cheryl Moeller do a great job of ministering and training singles—in the disciplines of the faith, in their spiritual walk as singles, and in their lives of dating and preparation for marriage. Recently on their website, ForKeepsMinistries.com, Bob included his list of “Ten Things I Did Right, Ten Things I Did Wrong” from his own season of singleness, with the Scriptures which inspired his reflections:
October 31st is the date most well-known for the holiday we call Halloween. In a 2007 report, the estimated economic impact of Halloween is between 4 billion and 6 billion dollars—and now estimated to exceed $8 million. In Al Mohler’s article “Christianity and the Dark Side—What about Halloween?” he quotes historian Nicholas Rogers as saying, “Halloween is currently the second most important party night in North America. In terms of its retail potential, it is second only to Christmas. This commercialism fortifies its significance as a time of public license, a custom-designed opportunity to have a blast. Regardless of its spiritual complications, Halloween is big business.” But did you know that October 31st is also the anniversary of the day Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to the church door in Wittenberg, Germany?
During childhood many of us were taught the Lord’s Prayer. We can recite it “from memory” and it doesn’t mean a thing, if we’re not careful. Whether we call it the “Lord’s Prayer” or the “Model Prayer” it reads like this in Matthew 6:9-13: “. . . Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts (some say ‘trespasses’), as we forgive our debtors (or ‘those who trespass against us’). And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil: For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.” Whether praying this prayer before going out on patrol in the desert, before going to bed at night, or as part of worship or a discipline of daily time with God, it’s a good reminder to examine this prayer for our “heart attitude” so that it doesn’t become just part of a “check-list of to-dos.”
Picture this—both sides in a battle are lobbing grenades at one another. The grenades blow up causing much destruction on each side. Now imagine that the two sides fighting are really a husband and a wife. The “grenades” are words and actions—and somehow both partners seem surprised when they “blow up”! Lots of hurt. . .lots of anger. . .and it just gets worse and worse. The fighting can continue right into the divorce court. If you’ve ever seen this happening in a couple, or experienced it yourself, you know that it’s just crazy!
In thinking about my all-time favorite messages of Pastor Chuck Swindoll’s, I have come to the conclusion that his teaching on “worry” is probably the best I had ever heard on that sticky subject. And it has stuck with me through the years. . . .at least in my memory if not in my actions. According to my study, this message was first preached in 1990 and entitled "Christ at the Crossroad of Anxiety." I would like to share what I transcribed from the recording of that timely sermon, as perhaps there is something in it which would help you in these days of deployment anxiety.
The Combat Trauma Healing Manual: Christ-centered Solutions for Combat Trauma is filled with truth that helps and heals. My copy of this life-valuable book has underlines, highlights, stars and check marks in the margins, brackets, and notes—page after page. But one of my favorite parts is in the back—in the Appendix. The appendices are filled with important information—from how to know God personally to symptoms of PTSD to Scripture for use in spiritual warfare. Then there is Appendix D, with the interesting title of “Prayer Life of a PTSD Victor: King David.” There are three sections of prayers in this six page appendix—“Prayers of a Wounded Warrior,” “Promises to a Wounded Warrior,” and “Praises from a Wounded Warrior.” I will give a sample of each, but first we must ask the question “Who was King David?” and “Why do we believe he was a PTSD sufferer?”
I would be surprised if you have gotten through this deployment without any tears. Tears when your spouse left; tears during the long months of separation; tears at special occasions when your loved one’s presence is especially missed . . . tears matter. Tears matter to God.
“If I’ve done something wrong, I’m sorry.” “. . . . and I’ll try not to do it again, but I can’t guarantee anything.” “I was wrong to _____, but it was really your fault.” Have you ever heard statements like these, or maybe even said them yourself? Clumsy apologies—if you can even call them apologies. And in marriage a bad apology, or lack of an apology, can begin to cost you the whole relationship.
I remember Ruth Bell Graham’s teaching from years ago on the power of light. She said that film crews were coming into their log cabin home in North Carolina to interview her husband, Billy Graham. She cleaned and cleaned—wanting everything to look just right for the cameras. When the crews arrived and set up their equipment, she was horrified by what the bright studio lights exposed—cobwebs and dust that she had missed in her cleaning! As we all know, things can be hidden in darkness. What does this have to do with deployment?
How is communication going with your spouse during this deployment? During the Vietnam War, the only voice communication my husband and I had was MARS radio. Better than nothing, but only three minutes once a month and punctuated with the required “over” before we could exchange pleasantries—all overheard by a Ham radio operator somewhere on the west coast. So letters were our main form of communication—