I’ve been working on this writing for the last nine years. And it’s not done yet. I wanted to put down in writing, on “cyber-paper,” what I have lived and observed for most of my adult life. It’s what I love about our military . . . the people, the mission, the life. The truth is . . . as members of the United States military, people are watching you.
You would think after writing and editing Excellent or Praiseworthy since 2007, that I would have read, heard or thought about everything to be learned from Philippians 4:8 ... But in 2014, I was challenged by teaching I had never considered. That is taking Philippians 4:8 into one of the most normal, everyday struggles of marriage—conflict between husband and wife.
There are those couples who are familiar with deployments and can be vast sources of help in warning others of the dangers to the health of a marriage which can occur when we don’t take seriously the special challenges of living separately due to military orders. They have safely navigated the twists and turns, and know the unique conditions under which a couple needs to take particular caution. Do you know some of these couples? Look around. . . ask around. . .pray to meet this couple who has lived victoriously in spite of the hazards. They have much wisdom to share.
It was September 7th. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that date because it was the day before my husband was to be deployed to the Middle East. At the time, I had a 2-year-old daughter and a 3-month-old son who were really going to miss their daddy. And I already felt lost thinking about the impending separation from my one true companion in life. It was both the best and worst of days.
We had many “hellos” and “good-byes” during our military days—with plenty of TDYs, deployments, training, exercises, and the Vietnam War. The “good-byes” were always difficult (understatement) . . . and the “hellos” were always glorious. Whether we were parting for a day, a week, a month or a year I always tried to stick by the training I got from that one book and that one wives’ meeting.
Because I enjoy reading biographies, on this Presidents’ Day it should not surprise you that I would want to look a bit at Abraham Lincoln and George Washington—and especially at the role of their marriages in their presidencies. They stand at sharp contrast to one another in terms of the personalities of their wives and the harmony in their households.
It is not unusual to discover magazines and newspapers with advice for romance and marriage-building in anticipation of Valentine’s Day. Lately I have been pleased to notice how this secular advice has lined up with advice shared in Christian communities. That’s because it works! I recently read a newspaper article espousing marriage-enriching habits of holding hands, having regular date nights, going to bed at the same time. . . and thought, “That’s exactly what Jim and Barbara would advise! Jim and Barbara Grunseth have been teaching and counseling couples for years. Their advice is sound, biblical, and practical. So I decided to get out my dog-eared and well-worn copy of one of their books, Remember the Rowboats: Anchor your Marriage to Christ, to share some of their timeless advice. You won’t find these points in newsstand copy, but you will find them encouraging and helpful—and true!
“Many people ask me how it feels to be the wife of a former serviceman. I can sum it up in one word: personal. It’s very personal because it’s now our story, our sacrifice, our time lost. Joe’s deployment to Iraq directly affected who we were and who we are today. Surviving the experience for Joe (physically and emotionally), and for me (psychologically and emotionally), taught us that living out our vows was overwhelmingly important and real."
Have you ever wondered. . . . Where in the world did we get the idea that sin has no consequences?
As noble and mature as military couples are, there is a fiery dart which Satan can fire straight from his arsenal into their hearts. It is the dart of discouragement, and I believe it is Satan’s favorite weapon. Oftentimes discouragement comes from a season of comparison—never a good idea to compare yourself, your marriage, your kids, your career, your possessions, your struggles, your purposes, with others. But we all do it. Sometimes we actually believe, “The grass is greener”—but it isn’t.