“It was the love letters—that’s what really helped.” I was having a conversation with a military wife who had struggled for years through an unhappy marriage—but had seen that marriage turn around, slowly at first, because of changes that only God could have brought about.
This story is not about the Dads who are protecting our country nor the Moms who are protecting the home front. Instead, this is a “bird’s eye view” from the children. I wanted to glean from them how they are coping with a parent gone and what they could suggest to other children facing the same situation. These two families are veterans of deployments as evidenced by the children’s stoic responses to my questions. After sitting down and interviewing them I came away with an even greater appreciation and admiration for these “young heroes.”
No military wife is ever ready for deployment. From what I hear from other wives none of us really feel that we are strong enough to go through a deployment. But at the end when we look back, we are shocked at how much we came through and how strong we really are.
Several years ago, FamilyLife (a Cru ministry), approached us about taking ExcellentorPraiseworthy.org online devotions and editing them for YouVersion devotions! The editors at FamilyLife were well-aware that YouVersion is an increasingly popular Bible app, and wanted to make our web-based encouragement available on mobile devices. So that’s how this project began! Three YouVersion devotionals are available for you and your spouse to access for the Countdown to Deployment (10 days), to study Scripture together with Connecting during Deployment (20 days), and to exercise “reintegrace” for Reintegration after Deployment (7 days).
It was her favorite Christmas present, she said. Perhaps it was his, too, but he was still recovering from long months at sea and was needing to catch up on sleep. As they stood before us they still had that “newlywed glow” about them, even though most of their wedded life had been spent apart due to military duty. So when they were telling us about their first Christmas together there were smiles going back and forth between each other, and eyes sparkling with the chance to tell what was so very special about their first time of giving and receiving gifts as husband and wife.
Though I sat in a room full of people, I’d never felt more alone. A big part of my heart was missing. It would have been our fourth Christmas together … and yet, we weren’t together. My sweet husband was many miles away in the Middle East. My children and I missed him terribly. It just didn’t feel “right.” Was this sacrifice we were making for our country really worth it?
I grew up in a military family. Then I married a military man. I know the demands—I get it . . . yet, during the holidays we military families can feel extra stress. The items on our laundry lists pile on even when a household member’s laundry is absent.
Have you ever voiced that attitude—because of the circumstances you can honestly say, “This isn’t what I expected!” For example, “married life isn’t what I expected”; “being a parent isn’t what I expected”; “this new job isn’t what I expected”; or “this move hasn’t been what I expected.” I’m sure you can think of many more instances when things just didn’t turn out like you thought they would—or should. Sometimes they turn out better—much better. But sometimes the challenges and the newness of it all is overwhelming and we’re left asking, “Why is this happening to me?”
As Sonja held down the fort while her husband Jason was deployed, she quickly saw the need to go on the offensive against spirits of fear, worry, resentment, anger and bitterness. Instead of waiting for discouragement to invade and occupy her home, she countered it at every turn by wielding the Sword of Truth: God’s Word.
Parenting well during a deployment begins with our faith—which begins with belief in the truth of Scripture. Being “plugged in” to our source of faith, the Lord Jesus, allows us to be full of “living water” (the Holy Spirit) which will then flow through us to our children. To put it another way—as Jesus tells us in John 15:5—we are to “abide in the vine.” Our family just experienced a 15 month separation. As I look back, I can point to seven truths to share about parenting during deployment: