Year after year I saw my mother putting a copy of a “Prayer for a Bride and Groom” into an envelope and sending it as a wedding gift to some young couple whom she knew. I didn’t pay much attention. I knew it was a special prayer she found in a magazine years ago, and made many copies so as to be ready to send it when she would get a wedding invitation. Then it was time for my own children to get married, and out came the copy of the prayer as her gift. This time I paid attention.

This story is not about the Dads who are protecting our country nor the Moms who are protecting the home front. Instead, this is a “bird’s eye view” from the children. I wanted to glean from them how they are coping with a parent gone and what they could suggest to other children facing the same situation. These two families are veterans of deployments as evidenced by the children’s stoic responses to my questions. After sitting down and interviewing them I came away with an even greater appreciation and admiration for these “young heroes.”

It was her favorite Christmas present, she said. Perhaps it was his, too, but he was still recovering from long months at sea and was needing to catch up on sleep. As they stood before us they still had that “newlywed glow” about them, even though most of their wedded life had been spent apart due to military duty. So when they were telling us about their first Christmas together there were smiles going back and forth between each other, and eyes sparkling with the chance to tell what was so very special about their first time of giving and receiving gifts as husband and wife.

Though I sat in a room full of people, I’d never felt more alone. A big part of my heart was missing. It would have been our fourth Christmas together … and yet, we weren’t together. My sweet husband was many miles away in the Middle East. My children and I missed him terribly. It just didn’t feel “right.” Was this sacrifice we were making for our country really worth it?

Have you ever voiced that attitude—because of the circumstances you can honestly say, “This isn’t what I expected!” For example, “married life isn’t what I expected”; “being a parent isn’t what I expected”; “this new job isn’t what I expected”; or “this move hasn’t been what I expected.” I’m sure you can think of many more instances when things just didn’t turn out like you thought they would—or should.  Sometimes they turn out better—much better. But sometimes the challenges and the newness of it all is overwhelming and we’re left asking, “Why is this happening to me?”