Though I sat in a room full of people, I’d never felt more alone. A big part of my heart was missing. It would have been our fourth Christmas together … and yet, we weren’t together. My sweet husband was many miles away in the Middle East. My children and I missed him terribly. It just didn’t feel “right.” Was this sacrifice we were making for our country really worth it?

“From Carleene—‘Another Saturday night alone at Fort Bragg, NC, exhausted from another day alone with toddlers, alone without a husband to talk to, the kids without their daddy . . .I had been ruminating for months about giving up. I could not stand the stony silences on the one hand, and the sharp retorts, the anger, the constant fighting when he was home. Is this what marriage was supposed to be?’

I would be surprised if you have gotten through this deployment without any tears. Tears when your spouse left; tears during the long months of separation; tears at special occasions when your loved one’s presence is especially missed . . . tears matter. Tears matter to God.

“If I’ve done something wrong, I’m sorry.” “. . . . and I’ll try not to do it again, but I can’t guarantee anything.” “I was wrong to _____, but it was really your fault.” Have you ever heard statements like these, or maybe even said them yourself? Clumsy apologies—if you can even call them apologies. And in marriage a bad apology, or lack of an apology, can begin to cost you the whole relationship.

Picture this—both sides in a battle are lobbing grenades at one another. The grenades blow up causing much destruction on each side. Now imagine that the two sides fighting are really a husband and a wife. The “grenades” are words and actions—and somehow both partners seem surprised when they “blow up”! Lots of hurt. . .lots of anger. . .and it just gets worse and worse. The fighting can continue right into the divorce court. If you’ve ever seen this happening in a couple, or experienced it yourself, you know that it’s just crazy!

I had the amazing opportunity to watch the Disney classic, "Sleeping Beauty,"with my children for family movie night a few weeks ago.  I guess I loved fairy tales since I was little, and so watching my seven-year-old daughter’s delight, as the prince fights evil Malificent’s dragon, was pretty cool.  But I tend to toss aside the fairy tales now in the trenches of being a soldier’s wife, and can often drown in the feeling of being solo with the kids at home.  If I am honest.  Yet, I know my active-duty, oft-deployed, husband is a gift from God.  But, still, I can wrestle, like many, with the whole marriage “fairy tale,” or “happily ever after.”