While researching the material for the new HomeBuilders study Making Your Marriage Deployment Ready, our writing team met with numerous chaplains, churches, and service members of all branches as we pursued a goal of ensuring our material was relevant to the challenges of military life today. One of the significant meetings was with a Gold Star widow near Ft. Hood. She insisted—maybe even stronger than that—that we include an exercise in the study which would walk a couple through the steps of having “The Talk.”

It was the end of a long day. Finally the kids were in bed. Finally the kitchen was clean. Finally there was some quiet. Finally some time to think about her husband—far away, sitting alert at a Turkish air base because some radicals were holding hostages in Tehran. Finally some time to look around her base quarters in Spain, ponder the events of the day, and feel the loneliness amidst the craziness and exhaustion. She saw a copy of “High Flight”, by John Gillespie Magee, Jr., on the wall—every aviator’s home has it somewhere. And she decided to get out the typewriter, think about her husband flying an F4, and compose a "High Flight" of her own:

Early in my military career I worked in a vehicle workshop. When a vehicle was involved in an accident on operations or during an exercise, there was only one level of repair we offered – combat repair. If the vehicle’s body was damaged we would hit the damaged parts with a sledge hammer until they either fell off altogether or were out of the way of the wheels so we could drive the vehicle away. Once a damaged vehicle was back in a standing workshop, then we moved from combat repair to restoration. A skilled trades-person would rebuild, re-mold and replace panels until the vehicle looked new. In some cases the restoration was nothing short of amazing. Sometimes we settle for combat repairs in our life when what we really need is restoration…

He’s getting ready to leave for Afghanistan—so this young couple decided to move their wedding date up to accommodate the deployment status. They made it an intimate family ceremony which reminded me of our EorP posting: “WWII and Beyond—A Story of Commitment.” In that article we read about Eugene and Louise who, seventy years ago, got married under similar circumstances. Two days later Eugene left for 3½ years of front-line duty in Germany before returning home in 1945. In 2011 this new young couple seems just as committed and in love.

There are those couples who are familiar with deployments and can be vast sources of help in warning others of the dangers to the health of a marriage which can occur when we don’t take seriously the special challenges of living separately due to military orders. They have safely navigated the twists and turns, and know the unique conditions under which a couple needs to take particular caution. Do you know some of these couples? Look around. . . ask around. . .pray to meet this couple who has lived victoriously in spite of the hazards. They have much wisdom to share.

I am a husband fighting against the spiritual forces which might harm my family and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense. I will never surrender my marriage of my own free will. As the leader of the home I will never surrender the members of my family and will always be on guard for them to resist the evil one when he attacks—and be sure of this, he will attack. If I am emotionally captured I will continue to resist . . . .

“Communication is a lot like tennis. One person begins the conversation by making a statement, and then perhaps asking a question—like serving the ball. The other person returns the ball by responding to the statement and/or question, and perhaps asks another question. And so the game continues.” This is an important paragraph from the HomeBuilders Bible study entitled Making Your Marriage Deployment Ready (p. 39), meant to help couples in their communication skills before they are geographically separated. But the truth is that communication skills are vital to the life of a marriage relationship—deployment or not.