We received a text recently from friends who are well-known marriage conference speakers, wanting help with an upcoming talk to a group which will include Marines. They specifically wanted to know how we advise military couples on sexual intimacy given that much of their time is spent geographically separated because of deployment.
I'm not a young Army Wife. This is not my first, or my second, or my third or my (you get the picture) deployment. And it doesn't matter. I miss my soldier as much as the next wife. My kids miss their Daddy as much as any kids would. Deployments are hard regardless of who you are and what number this one is for you.
How do you stay connected when you are miles apart? For a long time? We all have heard that staying connected during deployment is what keeps a marriage thriving. But how, exactly, do you do that? Here are six time-tested ideas for you to consider in order to stay connected while you are geographically separated. These are such proven methods that your marriage will actually grow closer than ever!
When I see an article on marriage, I automatically think “what does this say to a military marriage?” Ministry to military has wired me this way—thankfully. So when I read the article on FamilyLife.com entitled “5 Biggest Little Ways to Improve Your Marriage” I naturally went to “what does this say to a military marriage?”
What kind of woman am I, to choose such a demanding profession during my childbearing years? How will my choice to stay in the Army for a few more years affect my relationship with my daughter, and with my husband? Is this really the kind of work I was born to do long-term, or is this a detour on the road to my true vocation? I do not have bulletproof answers for these questions, and there are better women than I who have chosen either to be professional Soldiers or to be homemakers. What I do know definitively is that the Army has made me a better mother in some tangible ways:
Do you feel that you and your spouse communicate well? Do you feel that the ability to communicate well can make or break a marriage? Good questions, right? And if you are like most couples, you believe that communication is something that you need to work on. But how do you do that? There are books written on such topics! But just for today, we have some ideas to get you started ...
Because of all of the travel I am committed to, we spend days and weeks apart. That is not like a deployment, but certainly the premise—the truth—of this discipline of prayer as a couple holds whether you are facing the day together or many time zones apart. If you have more time—and if you can—either by email or text or phone—ask “how can I pray for you today?” Then connect your hearts, across the miles, in a simple prayer.
In just about every artistic rendering of a soldier’s homecoming, be it a song, a movie or a television commercial, we are left with an emotional high that tells us all is well again. But if military wives assume their reunion with their husbands is a fairytale ending to their separation, disappointment is almost sure to set in. “I have seen way too many military wives build up a fantasy in their minds about what life will be like once their husbands are home—and then be destroyed when this fantasy was not a reality,” says National Guard wife.
She was a strong woman. Perhaps that came from being the oldest of seven—no doubt a rowdy bunch. Perhaps it came from growing up during The Great Depression and having to work hard at home. Perhaps it came from having two pretty strict parents who expected a lot from their kids. She was strong even in the days when it wasn’t the “norm” to be a strong woman.
I’ve made a list of things people hate to hear when their spouse is deployed. Perhaps you could add to this list, but these are two statements about which I’ve heard complaints: “I’m sorry.” “I know how you feel. I was a single mom.” Etc.