Have you ever been angry with the Army (insert your own service here) at some point? Is it because of back-to-back deployments, a tough duty station, dealing with PTSD, combat operational stress, an injured husband/wife, the death of a spouse or a friend’s spouse, children or dogs who act up because Daddy/Mommy has been away too long? If angry, are you perhaps serving in the wrong Army? The Lord wants us in His Army, not just in the U.S. Army.
Parenting well during a deployment begins with our faith—which begins with belief in the truth of Scripture. Being “plugged in” to our source of faith, the Lord Jesus, allows us to be full of “living water” (the Holy Spirit) which will then flow through us to our children. To put it another way—as Jesus tells us in John 15:5—we are to “abide in the vine.” Our family just experienced a 15 month separation. As I look back, I can point to seven truths to share about parenting during deployment:
I’ve been married to a soldier almost 14 years now and I think I’ve spent the whole time waiting. I’ve waited for orders, for our children (infertility then the process of adoption – twice), for deployments to start, for deployments to end. By now I should have the patience of Job. But I don’t. Waiting is really tough stuff.
“Unless the LORD had helped me, I would soon have settled in the silence of the grave. I cried out, ‘I am slipping!’ but Your unfailing love, O LORD, supported me. When doubts filled my mind, Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.” — Psalm 94:17-19 Can you identify with the writer in the verses above—hanging on just as his fingers were losing their grip on hope? Sgt. Jeff Struecker called out to God in just that way in the Somalian battle of 1993 which we call “Black Hawk Down.” As the fight became more intense and his hope for survival gone, he cried out in desperation, “God I need your help, I’m in over my head!”
Psalm 78, the second longest psalm next to Psalm 119, is considered an historical psalm, an instructive psalm, and a relevant psalm. This psalm is not just for the children of Israel. This psalm is for parents and the church today. In referring to the Old Testament we find this verse in the New Testament: “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of Scriptures we might have hope.” (Romans 15:4). So what are we to learn from Psalm 78? What is the priority given to us? We are to raise our children to have hope, trust, and confidence in God.
Perhaps before deployment you spent sweet time with each other going over all the good memories of wonderful times together. Then you gave a “charge”—to be careful, remember that they are loved, know that you’re grateful for them, and promise to stay in communication whenever possible. And of course you made plans for your reunion and spoke of how wonderful it’ll be to be back together again.
Jesus was talking to a gathering of followers and just after telling them that they were like salt, He also told them that they were like light. They were salt because God used them to preserve those around them, but they were also light because through them, Jesus intended them to illuminate the truth of who God is. What is interesting to me in these verses is that Jesus doesn’t suggest that a city in a valley or a light under a bowl has any less light, He just focuses on what to do with the light. This is a call to do more with what we have.
With a group of military wives in a Bible study on Friday morning, I wondered out loud how our deployed service members ever got used to so much sand-color—that it all must be “very beige” in the desert. A soldier’s wife quickly corrected me with a rebuke — “Oh, Linda, you’re wrong! My husband tells me that he has never seen such beautiful sunrises and sunsets. And the stars—oh my . . . he tells me that at night he has never seen so many stars!!”
Our beloved pastor preached one particular Sunday on the Church. I will share only a brief outline, followed by best practices which any church can apply in their own way to serve the military in their midst.
It is a beautiful thing to see a couple get through something that challenges them in every area of their lives (like a deployment)—and because of faith they do not give up. When the deployment is over, they can look back over the months of discouragement/loneliness/fear and say with confidence, “My God took me through this.” And what if things did not go easily—struggles with children/finances/ temptations/health?