I remember sitting on the front porch of our new quarters –you know, the “townhouses” crammed side-by-side around a parking lot. Kids everywhere. I remember speaking the words, “What in the world am I doing here?” and hoping no one heard me (yea, right—neighbors were in ear-shot of everything!).
During the debate over the pros and cons of marriage vs. living together I would often read that one party would say, “Why get married? It’s just a piece of paper. We already FEEL married.” In the military, that twisted logic just doesn’t hold up. A military marriage begins with one piece of paper—the marriage certificate. If you are not married “on paper," your relationship doesn’t count. Shortly after the official marital documentation follows the military ID card, another important piece of paper. Without that important document, there are no privileges that come with being a military dependent.
She was a lay leader in her unit—deployed for seven months. Before she left we spent time together talking about her hopes for spiritual growth in herself, and her unit, during this time away from home. So when she returned it was a joy to link up and hear about what she had observed and experienced from her time away—visiting foreign ports, leading the chapel praise team, praying and reading devotions for those who gathered for fellowship and study. But I caught some doubt and discouragement in her voice.
Have you ever PCSed and had the realtor tell you that the most important thing to consider in choosing a house is “location . . . location . . . location”? In his book, Dangerous Calling, Paul David Tripp says that phrase also refers to life. When I read that statement I was intrigued.
Has loneliness during deployment caused you to “talk to yourself”? Do you often feel that no one understands your situation? Perhaps you have experienced that your family . . . . your neighbor. . . . maybe even your spouse does not really understand what you are going through. Well-meaning people may offer a listening ear, but sometimes that just doesn’t help! I think we've all been there.
Is discouragement ruling your thoughts? Have you despaired at the trials of this deployment?
I just want to say it, “Deployments stink.” Whether they’re one month or fifteen months, they’re just awful. Ask my husband the Army fanatic – he loves wearing muted brown uniforms and shining boots and the smelling like fuel and weapons – even he will admit that living in a tent and looking at sand for any period of time is lousy. But he’d do it again tomorrow if you needed him to. I am not that dedicated. The “inner me” fights against the unknowns of war, the weariness of single-mothering, the feeling I’ve given away another year of my life. You can see where moping can take me. My inner side (yep, the flesh) is not real pretty—which is why God doesn’t want me dwelling there!
“I have concluded that when it comes right down to it, there is really only one thing I as a pastor have to offer my congregation---and only one thing that the church has to offer the world. In my role as a pastor people come to me with all sorts of problems, but I confess: I am a physician with but one medicine to prescribe, and that is the gospel of Christ. It may need to be applied in various ways, various aspects of it may need to receive the right emphasis, and it may need to be administered in the right form. But only the gospel of Jesus Christ can heal the deepest wounds of the human heart and enable us to prosper according to God's design, bringing glory to our Lord.” Dr. Bill Kynes of Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church, Annandale, VA This is a powerful quote, posted on The Gospel Coalition blog. Thank you, Dr. Kynes, for speaking truth to all of us.
Several military wives, myself included, had crammed into an apartment living room for a book club meeting. As we chatted between bites of crackers and cheese, our conversation veered away from the book of the month when the hostess unleashed a bitter monologue concerning her husband’s frequent absences at sea and punctuated it with a booming, “I did not sign up to be a single parent!” With one toddler and another baby due soon, this woman was clearly frazzled. Unfortunately, her resentment over having to be solo spilled out of her like a toxin and threatened to poison the evening.
In the last pages of What Did You Expect?? Paul David Tripp summarizes his writing with this: “What has this book been about? It has been a detailed description of the daily work of love that must be done with commitment and joy when a flawed person is married to a flawed person and they are living in a fallen world." Did you catch that—“Daily work ..." So how do you do that under the challenge of deployment?