Better than Jewels

“I am Wisdom, I am better than jewels; nothing you want can compare with me. I am Wisdom, and I have insight; I have knowledge and sound judgment. To honor the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil ways and false words. I make plans and carry them out. I have understanding, and I am strong.” — Proverbs 8:11-14

Andy Stanley, senior pastor of North Point Ministries, says that we often fall into the trap of asking what is the right or wrong thing to do, when a much better question to ask is “What is the wise thing to do?” From a military point of view, what is right or wrong is a tactical question. It deals with either an immediate objective, or an action that we are just about to take. When we get down to asking, “is this right or wrong”, we are normally committed to a course of action and are merely checking our justification before doing what we have planned. Have you ever been in that spot? There you are, just about to complete something the morality of which you have been trying to ignore, when your conscience tells you that it is not right. You are then forced to make a tactical decision and either completely change your plan, or move on hoping that you will get away with what you are doing.

Those actions we take, which we know are wrong, are almost always preceded by a series of dumb decisions we have made. Another way to put this is in the saying, “You fall the way you lean.” I know that when I sin, I can look back and see the trail of bad decisions I have made that led to my failing—like going to a place where temptations abound, spending too much time with people who lead in the wrong direction, or adopting goals that are unhealthy. Wouldn’t it have been much better to ask myself earlier what the wise thing was, and therefore avoid those dumb decisions? That would be better than ignoring the growing feeling that I am going in the wrong direction and ending up having to make a decision in a tight corner—where I know I am most likely going to make the wrong choice under pressure. It’s like I trick myself into ignoring the signs of trouble so I can justify my sin at the last minute. Asking “what is the wise thing?” early-on is much more strategic. . . . and we all know in the military that good strategic decisions help us avoid tactical disasters.

How does this apply to marriage? All of the broken marriages I have known have been riddled with poor tactical decisions. An example might be when a husband starts spending too much time at work, justifying his actions by saying that he is working to provide for the family. What’s wrong with providing for your family? Nothing, so long as you remember to maintain your relationship with them and care for their emotional and physical needs. Instead of asking what is right or wrong, he should ask, “What is wise?” The answer has to be spending time with his family. That becomes a whole lot clearer after your marriage has fallen apart, but it is evident beforehand and can be avoided. . . . if you ask the right question. What does wisdom look like while apart because of a deployment? Evidences of wisdom would include maintaining good communication (whenever possible) with your spouse, expressing interest in what the other one is experiencing and feeling, maintaining moral purity, taking precious time to spend with the Lord, fellowshipping with other believers and making worship time a priority, serving others (which will have the added benefit of taking your mind off of yourself), and praying!

Here’s another example of a lack of wisdom. A wife decides she’s being neglected, so she starts building friendships with other men. What’s wrong with being friends with members of the opposite gender? Nothing, so long as your spouse is included in the friendship and it remains totally transparent and platonic. I know of a few cases where one of these additional friendships took on a very independent nature leading to infidelity and disaster for the marriage, children, friendships and wider family. In each of those cases, if those wives had asked themselves what the wise thing was, they most likely would have avoided all the pain that came with their poor tactical decision-making. I know men who also justified themselves right up to the ragged edge of marital disaster, and then tipped head-long into it. That’s just not wise.

Conversely, all the strong marriages I know of seem to be replete with wise decisions. Hmmm, there seems to be a pattern here. Decisions such as making communication a priority, confessing temptation so that it can be addressed in the light rather than grow in the dark, hanging out with people who are a good influence, seeking to grow spiritually and encouraging your spouse to do the same, and building each other up with positive actions and words. This demonstration of wisdom may take a lot more effort and planning in a military family with all the pressures facing us today, but it’s not impossible and it is worth it – better than jewels!

Solomon, the wisest man to ever live, tells us that wisdom is better than any material wealth you can have. That’s quite a recommendation from one of the richest men of all times. He knew that wisdom is more valuable than anything else because it starts with honoring God. Every good thing you can imagine flows from putting God first. Solomon tells us that to honor God is to reject evil and be both humble and honest. These are all things that make marriages work, but for me I especially appreciate the idea that wisdom makes plans, carries them out and provides both understanding and strength. If we are wise, we will plan good things for our marriage and family and commit to carrying out those plans.

Wisdom can be confused sometimes with knowledge – some people think you need a couple of university degrees to be wise. I like to think of knowledge as a collection of facts, while wisdom is knowing how to best use those facts. You don’t need to know a lot, you just need to wisely apply what you do know.

The best thing about wisdom is that it is one of the things that God promises to provide. James 1:5 says that “…if any of you lack wisdom, you should pray to God, who will give it to you.” God wants you to make wise decisions, so if you feel that this is something you need, just ask Him for more wisdom. It’s that simple, really. Of course knowing and doing can be different issues, so we need to ask the Holy Spirit to help us do what is wise. If you make these requests a daily habit, you’ll be surprised how much clearer decision-making will become. In this way you will likely avoid making a poor decision at your weakest moment and will choose the wise decision not to even go down that wrong path!

Questions to share:

1. Can you think of any failures you have experienced that were preceded by a series of unwise decisions? If not in yourself, can you think of others who have gone down destructive paths by making unwise decisions that finally led to disaster?

2. What areas in your marriage are most at risk and will require some wise decision-making? (Communication? Priorities? Parenting? Finances? Friends? Etc?)

3. Pray and ask God for wisdom, then ask the Holy Spirit for courage and strength to do what you know is wise.