Advice to Our Military Pre-Marrieds

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However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.  Acts 20:24

I suppose it’s not very “military” to describe a young Army couple as adorable, but they were.  Their wedding date was a month away, and our pastor invited my husband and I to share tips for a successful military marriage.  No pressure!

After years of working with active duty marriages, this was a unique opportunity to pour some wisdom into a bride and groom before the pace of long duty days, sudden deployments, training, promotions, and moving every one to three years (or more) became their “normal” life.

So we decided on four points which we deemed helpful, and met with the pastor and engaged couple.  We entered the church library, where they were seated around a large table, with a certain amount of trepidation.  After all, this attractive couple did not know us.  And we knew it was possible they really didn’t need, or want, any advice from an old military couple.

But we launched right into introductions, and started with the first of our four points:

1. Job is a calling.

Far from being 9-to-5, jobs in the military are 24/7/365.  That’s just the reality of it.  If there is an expectation otherwise, military life will be full of surprises—and disappointments.

But the nature of national security and military service demands full commitment, and a husband and wife need to understand that lives depend on you both doing your jobs with integrity.  That’s why it is a calling.  God has set you apart to do an extreme job, sometimes under extreme circumstances.  And His grace will carry you through each and every mission, if you will only let Him.

2. Home is a haven.

I remember—as if it was yesterday—the end-of-the-day “collapse-scene” when my husband would get home from the squadron.  As best we could, the kids and I tried to create tranquility in the midst of chaos, so he would feel respected and appreciated.  He never demanded it or expected it, but we knew … we just knew that it was important.

Understand that your home is a haven of peace, joy, and solace.  And that attitude doesn’t just create an atmosphere where love grows—but also creates a place for hospitality to be experienced.  You have no idea how many folks in your community will feel serenity under the security of your roof.

3. Marriage is a ministry.

Colossians 3:12-15 is where we start encouraging any couple, because we feel it perfectly lays out the tenets of a healthy and God-honoring marriage:

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful. 

Couples demonstrating the truth of these verses will be light in the world’s darkness during military service.  Consider this challenge to serve as a Christian witness to those seeking joy in military family life.  Your marriage will be “on mission,” and God will use your testimony to spread the Gospel.

4. Church is a priority.

It can’t be said any more straight-forward than that.  Church is a priority to a military family.  It can be so easy to become lax about church attendance during moves—after all, “we’re only going to be here a short time—too short to get ‘plugged in’.”  But because fellowship, worship, accountability, and spiritual growth are important, church matters.

In Gary & Betsy Ricucci’s book, Love That Lasts, Gary writes, “Of all the leadership decisions I have made by the grace of God, the very best one has been leading my wife and family into our local church.  … We are a part of it.  It is a part of us and our entire family.  For us, life, marriage, and raising children apart from the local church is literally unimaginable.  Friends, this should be the norm, not the exception, for every Christian.  And regardless of the cultural whirlwind around us, it is the local church—Christians living a shared life biblically before God and one another—that will ultimately secure the place and role of marriage and family from generation to generation.” (p. 26).

Call on the Holy Spirit to guide you during each assignment to a Gospel-preaching, Christ-centered assembly of grace-filled Christ-followers.  And make finding a church home a priority.

We can happily report that this adorable couple is living in post housing, expecting their first baby, just completed NCO Academy, and is plugged into a new church plant.

We take no credit for being asked to join their army of influencers, but we do give God the glory for what He has done, and is doing, in their lives.

Questions to Share:

1. Think of an engaged couple about to begin marriage in the military. Share these points with them.
2. Which of the four would have been helpful to you before you married?