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Affairs of the Heart

September 3, 2026
Jocelyn
Marriage & Family
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A woman in our military unit had been corresponding with her old boyfriend for months, unbeknownst to her husband (but shared with the other wives), emailing and instant messaging late into the night. She was convinced she would be happier if she filed for divorce, hoped for the best for her children, and returned to the arms of the one she did not marry. While the geographical distance prevented her from having a physical relationship with this man, she was clearly in an emotional affair.

Still Waiting

Do you know what “waiting on the Lord” looks like to me? For our first family trip since my husband returned from his second deployment to Iraq, we decided to visit a friend in Colorado Springs. This was to be an important visit—a tender one—as this friend’s husband had been killed during that first deployment. But it is a long drive from central Texas to Colorado Springs, and attitude means everything.

Words Count

As a member of the military I have realized that I need to be more careful than most with my words. I am vulnerable to bringing home damaging words and phrases, even tones of voice that seem normal at work, but at home are disastrous. Part of my readiness to deploy includes my need to be sure my family knows how much I love and value them. So it is best if I don’t say anything that I later need to correct in case I have to leave at short notice. I know the responsibility of leadership and I want my wife and children to live vibrant lives and not be crushed.

5 Things I Learned During Deployment

No military wife is ever ready for deployment. From what I hear from other wives none of us really feel that we are strong enough to go through a deployment. But at the end when we look back, we are shocked at how much we came through and how strong we really are.

On the Battlefield — 163 Years Ago

On the battlefields of the Civil War, one hundred and sixty-three years ago, the troops of the Army of Northern Virginia (Confederacy) experienced an event called for by their president, Jefferson Davis. On August 21, 1863, they observed a “day of prayer and fasting.” General Robert E. Lee issued this order in response to President Davis’ request: “The President of the Confederate States has, in the name of the people, appointed the 21st day of August as a day of fasting, humiliation and prayer. A strict observance of the day is enjoined upon the officers and soldiers of this army. All military duties, except such as are absolutely necessary, will be suspended. . . . "

Thoughts on Military Motherhood

What kind of woman am I, to choose such a demanding profession during my childbearing years? How will my choice to stay in the Army for a few more years affect my relationship with my daughter, and with my husband? Is this really the kind of work I was born to do long-term, or is this a detour on the road to my true vocation? I do not have bulletproof answers for these questions, and there are better women than I who have chosen either to be professional Soldiers or to be homemakers. What I do know definitively is that the Army has made me a better mother in some tangible ways:

A Wife’s Blessing

It’s unusual for a wife to speak at her husband’s military retirement ceremony. More “normal” is for him to give her a gift—maybe a bouquet of roses—and then speak about her sacrifices as a military wife. Then she usually receives a commendation—pictures are made with her—and much applause is given to her, as it should. So when I heard about this poem, recently included in the printed retirement program of a dear friend, I believed it should be shared.

How Not to Help

I am always on the lookout for good marital “helps”—especially concerning military marriages. The challenges of military life are so many and the stresses so high we need to be on high alert concerning the state of our own marriage and those of our friends. I especially appreciate articles which give advice to help friends help friends. You know—you want to help others with troubled marriages but just don’t know how . . . and are especially fearful of “making things worse.” It’s rare to find such help.

He is Deploying. . . Again

When I face some new challenge in my life—even potentially scary—one thing I seek to do is to gain perspective. The ground under me might be shaking, but I’m trying to hang onto something solid . . . something that will help me to make sense of it, help me to remember that I’m not alone, help me to realize that it’s not forever. You know—perspective. Today I join the ranks of millions of mothers who have gone before me, saying good-by to their sons and sending them off to war. My son is deploying . . . again.

Tough Teaching for Parents

What would happen if we viewed deployment as an opportunity for character-building in our military children? I am going to share what two influential theologians have to say about this topic of parenting under tough circumstances. One is Chip Ingram, founder of Living on the Edge Ministries and author of eleven books, including Effective Parenting in a Defective World. Toward the end of his book, Ingram chooses what he calls “five smooth stones” (referring to the five stones young David picked to slay Goliath) for parenting—in order to help your children slay the giants in their lives.