Do you feel that you and your spouse communicate well? Do you feel that the ability to communicate well can make or break a marriage? Good questions, right? And if you are like most couples, you believe that communication is something that you need to work on. But how do you do that? There are books written on such topics! But just for today, we have some ideas to get you started ...
Because of all of the travel I am committed to, we spend days and weeks apart. That is not like a deployment, but certainly the premise—the truth—of this discipline of prayer as a couple holds whether you are facing the day together or many time zones apart. If you have more time—and if you can—either by email or text or phone—ask “how can I pray for you today?” Then connect your hearts, across the miles, in a simple prayer.
When I see it—in actions, words, or formal presentation, it’s always a favorite combination . . . power with tenderness . . . When I first read Eric Blehm’s book on the life of Navy SEAL Adam Brown, "Fearless", I was struck by this description: “Known for his compassion, Adam was always the first to do something like break open a light stick for a baby to play with or give a candy bar to a terrified child. But he wasn’t the only one. In a group of men whose business is killing, the fury they release upon the enemy is rivaled only by the humanity they display for innocents caught in the crossfire.”
In just about every artistic rendering of a soldier’s homecoming, be it a song, a movie or a television commercial, we are left with an emotional high that tells us all is well again. But if military wives assume their reunion with their husbands is a fairytale ending to their separation, disappointment is almost sure to set in. “I have seen way too many military wives build up a fantasy in their minds about what life will be like once their husbands are home—and then be destroyed when this fantasy was not a reality,” says National Guard wife.
She was a strong woman. Perhaps that came from being the oldest of seven—no doubt a rowdy bunch. Perhaps it came from growing up during The Great Depression and having to work hard at home. Perhaps it came from having two pretty strict parents who expected a lot from their kids. She was strong even in the days when it wasn’t the “norm” to be a strong woman.
People write books on God’s grace. Books about transforming grace, saving grace, all-sufficient grace, powerful grace. . . . .amazing grace ... But what about grace to face multiple deployments? Perhaps your marriage survived the first deployment. . . .barely. Then with the second deployment you were more prepared than the first, and took some steps to improve in communications and commitment. The third deployment came sooner than you expected and more frustration set in. Now you’re on what seems to be a never-ending course for more and more separation, loneliness, hard work under harsh conditions, and danger. . . . . what kind of grace will get you through those struggles? Let’s call it greater grace. Greater grace takes you from “I can’t do this anymore” to “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)
I’ve made a list of things people hate to hear when their spouse is deployed. Perhaps you could add to this list, but these are two statements about which I’ve heard complaints: “I’m sorry.” “I know how you feel. I was a single mom.” Etc.
It’s unusual for a wife to speak at her husband’s military retirement ceremony. More “normal” is for him to give her a gift—maybe a bouquet of roses—and then speak about her sacrifices as a military wife. Then she usually receives a commendation—pictures are made with her—and much applause is given to her, as it should. So when I heard about this poem, recently included in the printed retirement program of a dear friend, I believed it should be shared.
"This isn’t just a job for me. This is my calling, and I need you to share my calling." As he described his commitment to the Army, my husband’s voice was filled with emotion. It grabbed my attention. Rob and I were attending an intensive marriage retreat before the first of three deployments to Iraq. God opened my eyes that day to an essential element of both Rob’s service in the military and our marriage.
I opened my email one morning and read a message from a sweet military wife whose husband was in Afghanistan. She had been reading postings on Excellent or Praiseworthy, and was grateful for the encouragement. Then she closed her comment with, “I’m so thankful for America, a free country that allows me to know what true freedom is in Christ!”