Reunions need to begin the moment a spouse leaves for a deployment. As the deployed member prepares to leave, every day becomes one of anticipation of coming together again. Connection with your spouse before and during a deployment prepares your hearts for a harmonious reunion at the end of separation. As a couple you must connect on three levels: mind, heart and spirit/soul. This is known as three-part harmony.
Picture this—both sides in a battle are lobbing grenades at one another. The grenades blow up causing much destruction on each side. Now imagine that the two sides fighting are really a husband and a wife. The “grenades” are words and actions—and somehow both partners seem surprised when they “blow up”! Lots of hurt. . .lots of anger. . .and it just gets worse and worse. The fighting can continue right into the divorce court. If you’ve ever seen this happening in a couple, or experienced it yourself, you know that it’s just crazy!
In thinking about my all-time favorite messages of Pastor Chuck Swindoll’s, I have come to the conclusion that his teaching on “worry” is probably the best I had ever heard on that sticky subject. And it has stuck with me through the years. . . .at least in my memory if not in my actions. According to my study, this message was first preached in 1990 and entitled "Christ at the Crossroad of Anxiety." I would like to share what I transcribed from the recording of that timely sermon, as perhaps there is something in it which would help you in these days of deployment anxiety.
The Combat Trauma Healing Manual: Christ-centered Solutions for Combat Trauma is filled with truth that helps and heals. My copy of this life-valuable book has underlines, highlights, stars and check marks in the margins, brackets, and notes—page after page. But one of my favorite parts is in the back—in the Appendix. The appendices are filled with important information—from how to know God personally to symptoms of PTSD to Scripture for use in spiritual warfare. Then there is Appendix D, with the interesting title of “Prayer Life of a PTSD Victor: King David.” There are three sections of prayers in this six page appendix—“Prayers of a Wounded Warrior,” “Promises to a Wounded Warrior,” and “Praises from a Wounded Warrior.” I will give a sample of each, but first we must ask the question “Who was King David?” and “Why do we believe he was a PTSD sufferer?”
I would be surprised if you have gotten through this deployment without any tears. Tears when your spouse left; tears during the long months of separation; tears at special occasions when your loved one’s presence is especially missed . . . tears matter. Tears matter to God.
As Sonja held down the fort while her husband Jason was deployed, she quickly saw the need to go on the offensive against spirits of fear, worry, resentment, anger and bitterness. Instead of waiting for discouragement to invade and occupy her home, she countered it at every turn by wielding the Sword of Truth: God’s Word. Her tactic was simple: she printed Scripture verses off her computer and stuck them all around her house with Scotch tape so God’s Word would constantly be before her eyes and the eyes of her children.
When I was studying during deployment, I was moved by my reading, and my spirit was impressed to pray, " ... Father, we ask that You would keep us from sin and that we would not even desire its pleasures, that You would teach us to discipline our bodies, that You would teach us to walk in Your ways, and derive our pleasure completely from You. We ask that You would change our hearts that we would mourn over sin, and that we would be so close to You that we would be sensitive to the sin around us, and we would run from it. I especially pray this for myself, Father. Keep me pure.”
“If I’ve done something wrong, I’m sorry.” “. . . . and I’ll try not to do it again, but I can’t guarantee anything.” “I was wrong to _____, but it was really your fault.” Have you ever heard statements like these, or maybe even said them yourself? Clumsy apologies—if you can even call them apologies. And in marriage a bad apology, or lack of an apology, can begin to cost you the whole relationship.
I remember Ruth Bell Graham’s teaching from years ago on the power of light. She said that film crews were coming into their log cabin home in North Carolina to interview her husband, Billy Graham. She cleaned and cleaned—wanting everything to look just right for the cameras. When the crews arrived and set up their equipment, she was horrified by what the bright studio lights exposed—cobwebs and dust that she had missed in her cleaning! As we all know, things can be hidden in darkness. What does this have to do with deployment?
How is communication going with your spouse during this deployment? During the Vietnam War, the only voice communication my husband and I had was MARS radio. Better than nothing, but only three minutes once a month and punctuated with the required “over” before we could exchange pleasantries—all overheard by a Ham radio operator somewhere on the west coast. So letters were our main form of communication—