Have you ever felt “sick at soul"? Perhaps you could characterize this feeling as frustration over your plans being turned upside-down, or uncertainty over where things are leading, or losing control over everything that is happening in your life, or worry over finances, or concern over how you are going to make it through deployment without your spouse? Sound familiar?
You would think after writing and editing Excellent or Praiseworthy since 2007, that I would have read, heard or thought about everything to be learned from Philippians 4:8 ... But in 2014, I was challenged by teaching I had never considered. That is taking Philippians 4:8 into one of the most normal, everyday struggles of marriage—conflict between husband and wife.
In the movie Fireproof, Day 23 of The Love Dare really gets Caleb’s attention. In this particular day’s reading, the authors examine the topic of threats ... In reading Day 23’s pages of warnings and countermeasures, you will find very similar writing—although written thousands of years ago by King David—in Psalm 101. The similarities between the two chapters, one modern and one ancient, are striking.
One of my favorite "marriage" books is called The Marriage Miracle: How Soft Hearts Can Make a Couple Strong, by Bob & Cheryl Moeller. I can only share a small portion in this writing, but there are priceless nuggets in this book—from the Bible—which would cause us to perhaps re-think what happens when a husband and wife dare to “give up,” or grow cold towards each other. And what I found especially interesting in this publication was that marriage was not the only application of the book’s principles . . . any relationship is subject to one or the other becoming hard-hearted. So in a broader context, this book zeroes in on truth for us all. Having problems with relatives? with co-workers? with neighbors? maybe even fellow church members? We are all subject to becoming hard-hearted, even cynical, towards others, married or not.
On September 11, 2001, Navy wife Deshua Joyce tried to think positively when she heard the news that a plane had crashed into the Pentagon, where her husband worked. She thought, “What are the chances that his office was hit?” Still, her heart was heavy with concern for her husband Tom and all others at the Pentagon.
He’s getting ready to leave for Afghanistan—so this young couple decided to move their wedding date up to accommodate the deployment status. They made it an intimate family ceremony which reminded me of our EorP posting: “WWII and Beyond—A Story of Commitment.” In that article we read about Eugene and Louise who, seventy years ago, got married under similar circumstances. Two days later Eugene left for 3½ years of front-line duty in Germany before returning home in 1945. In 2011 this new young couple seems just as committed and in love.
What is God training you for during this deployment? Does it feel like loneliness and frustration? Does it feel like so much “wax on, wax off”(mission preparations?). . . . . "sand the floor” (take care of the kids?). . . . “up, down” (pay the bills?). . . . “side to side” (month after month?). . . .and in the midst of all of that you cannot see what God is doing? Is it only when it is over that you can look back and see how God is putting it all together—and you have learned patience, grace, wisdom, discernment, perspective, endurance, self-control, perhaps forgiveness . . . in other words, character?
Growing up in Minnesota in the 1950s, February always meant two days off from school because of Abraham Lincoln’s birthday on February 12th and the celebration of George Washington’s birthday on February 22nd. But sometime in the late 1960s or early 1970s dates shifted—and what I had experienced as two “for-sure” days off became one “iffy” day off on a Monday—to celebrate “Presidents’ Day.” But there is an interesting aspect of these two presidents that our history books typically miss--the role of their wives and marriages in their leadership and presidencies.
It is not unusual to discover magazines and newspapers with advice for romance and marriage-building in anticipation of Valentine’s Day. Lately I have been pleased to notice how this secular advice has lined up with advice shared in Christian communities. That’s because it works! I recently read a newspaper article espousing marriage-enriching habits of holding hands, having regular date nights, going to bed at the same time . . . and thought, “That’s exactly what Jim and Barbara would advise!” Jim and Barbara Grunseth have been teaching and counseling couples for years. Their advice is sound, biblical, and practical. So I decided to get out my dog-eared and well-worn copy of one of their books, Remember the Rowboats: Anchor your Marriage to Christ, to share some of their timeless advice. You won’t find these points in newsstand copy, but you will find them encouraging and helpful—and true!
“I’ve given up hope for our marriage! This Bible study is my last resort. I’m signing us up and we’ll be there at the Chapel for the meeting, but if this doesn’t work—I’m outta’ here!” I heard these words of despair over the telephone from a military wife several years ago. “No pressure,” I thought. Fortunately, it wasn’t up to my husband and I who facilitated the HomeBuilders Bible study—it was up to God.