“I’ve given up hope for our marriage! This Bible study is my last resort. I’m signing us up and we’ll be there at the Chapel for the meeting, but if this doesn’t work—I’m outta’ here!” I heard these words of despair over the telephone from a military wife several years ago. “No pressure,” I thought. Fortunately, it wasn’t up to my husband and I who facilitated the HomeBuilders Bible study—it was up to God.
There is a story told about “two dogs” which battle within us. Some say it’s an Indian legend . . . some say it’s an old fable told long ago . . . but the story makes the rounds, and also makes a lot of sense. As the story goes, when a youngster comes to the old sage leader and asks why he feels so angry at unfair treatment, the older one explains, “It is as if there are two dogs inside of you. One is always good, peaceful, and loyal.
There are those couples who are familiar with deployments and can be vast sources of help in warning others of the dangers to the health of a marriage which can occur when we don’t take seriously the special challenges of living separately due to military orders. They have safely navigated the twists and turns, and know the unique conditions under which a couple needs to take particular caution. Do you know some of these couples? Look around. . . ask around. . .pray to meet this couple who has lived victoriously in spite of the hazards. They have much wisdom to share.
Three years ago, FamilyLife (a Cru ministry), approached us about taking ExcellentorPraiseworthy.org online devotions and editing them for YouVersion devotions! The editors at FamilyLife were well-aware that YouVersion is an increasingly popular Bible app, and wanted to make our web-based encouragement available on mobile devices. So that’s how this project began! Three YouVersion devotionals are available for you and your spouse to access for the Countdown to Deployment (10 days), to study Scripture together with Connecting during Deployment (20 days), and to exercise “reintegrace” for Reintegration after Deployment (7 days).
You know the movies where the operative receives the message that explains the job he’s asked to complete? Once the situation/circumstance is described, he hears “Your mission, should you choose to accept it”, followed by a summary of the mission. Then the method of conveying the message explodes and the operative is sent into action, working nonstop until the mission is complete. Kind of like a marriage, really.
No military wife is ever ready for deployment. From what I hear from other wives none of us really feel that we are strong enough to go through a deployment. But at the end when we look back, we are shocked at how much we came through and how strong we really are.
It was at Ft. Hood that we first heard the phrase, “I don’t want to just survive, I want to thrive!” A young Army wife was expressing her determination that, no matter what the circumstances, she was going to make the best of the deployment which she and her husband were facing (again). Seated around the table were others who agreed with her—they were tired of being categorized in a role of “victim” and were wanting to show the world what good stuff Army wives are made of! It was impressive. . . . a meeting I don’t think I will ever forget.
I grew up in a military family. Then I married a military man. I know the demands—I get it . . . yet, during the holidays we military families can feel extra stress. The items on our laundry lists pile on even when a household member’s laundry is absent.
Though I sat in a room full of people, I’d never felt more alone. A big part of my heart was missing. It would have been our fourth Christmas together … and yet, we weren’t together. My sweet husband was many miles away in the Middle East. My children and I missed him terribly. It just didn’t feel “right.” Was this sacrifice we were making for our country really worth it?
“From Carleene—‘Another Saturday night alone at Fort Bragg, NC, exhausted from another day alone with toddlers, alone without a husband to talk to, the kids without their daddy . . .I had been ruminating for months about giving up. I could not stand the stony silences on the one hand, and the sharp retorts, the anger, the constant fighting when he was home. Is this what marriage was supposed to be?’