We were in a sparsely-populated area of Maine having dinner at a local cafe, and had the privilege of talking with our waitress about her experience with deployment. Her husband had been a Guardsman serving in a remote area of Afghanistan with limited internet access. One thing we heard from this wife was her commitment to writing and sending her husband letters. Hand-written letters.
How do you change your spouse? Nervously, I began to fidget, play around with my jewelry and crack my knuckles as I sat on the brown sofa. It had taken all my courage just to muster up enough strength to walk into the Christian counselor’s office.
Have you seen those billboards across America which are black with white lettering—with “messages” from God? Have you seen, “We Need to Talk . . . . God”? Or “Loved the Wedding, Invite Me To The Marriage . . . . God”? Or “Need Directions? . . . . God”? The sponsor of these billboards is apparently an anonymous client, but whomever it is has put truth on display which we can all clearly understand. Or do we understand?
So here’s the question: What would it look like if a Christian couple chose to face military life as an opportunity to exhibit and demonstrate Christ-likeness under all circumstances. . . even deployment? What would it look like if they faced the challenges of “constant schedule changes, the times of transition, the long periods of waiting, (for orders, housing, homecomings, etc.) the many uncertainties concerning deployments, the long periods of single-parenting, the long ‘silent’ periods during separations, the months spent ‘camping out’ at each new location, the adjustments of each family member at new homes, schools, and working environments” (Footsteps of the Faithful, p. 11) totally relying on God to meet their needs, strengthen and comfort them, in order to be able to finish strong? It would look like the McColl family, as shared in the book Footsteps of the Faithful, subtitled “Victorious Living and The Military Life.”
While researching the material for the new HomeBuilders study Making Your Marriage Deployment Ready, our writing team met with numerous chaplains, churches, and service members of all branches as we pursued a goal of ensuring our material was relevant to the challenges of military life today. One of the significant meetings was with a Gold Star widow near Ft. Hood. She insisted—maybe even stronger than that—that we include an exercise in the study which would walk a couple through the steps of having “The Talk.”
It was the end of a long day. Finally the kids were in bed. Finally the kitchen was clean. Finally there was some quiet. Finally some time to think about her husband—far away, sitting alert at a Turkish air base because some radicals were holding hostages in Tehran. Finally some time to look around her base quarters in Spain, ponder the events of the day, and feel the loneliness amidst the craziness and exhaustion. She saw a copy of “High Flight”, by John Gillespie Magee, Jr., on the wall—every aviator’s home has it somewhere. And she decided to get out the typewriter, think about her husband flying an F4, and compose a "High Flight" of her own:
Early in my military career I worked in a vehicle workshop. When a vehicle was involved in an accident on operations or during an exercise, there was only one level of repair we offered – combat repair. If the vehicle’s body was damaged we would hit the damaged parts with a sledge hammer until they either fell off altogether or were out of the way of the wheels so we could drive the vehicle away. Once a damaged vehicle was back in a standing workshop, then we moved from combat repair to restoration. A skilled trades-person would rebuild, re-mold and replace panels until the vehicle looked new. In some cases the restoration was nothing short of amazing. Sometimes we settle for combat repairs in our life when what we really need is restoration…
My husband returned four months ago from a year-long deployment to Afghanistan. This was our first deployment, and we were stationed in the United Kingdom when he was given the orders. We quickly had to decide whether I would stay in the UK or return to the States to be closer to family while he was gone. My husband thought I would be happier being close to family, but I felt the Lord telling me to trust Him and stay in the UK, even if it meant I was going to be alone. This was a hard decision because I felt I was staring my biggest fear right in the face—I was going to be left alone in a foreign country while my husband went to war. Scary!
He’s getting ready to leave for Afghanistan—so this young couple decided to move their wedding date up to accommodate the deployment status. They made it an intimate family ceremony which reminded me of our EorP posting: “WWII and Beyond—A Story of Commitment.” In that article we read about Eugene and Louise who, seventy years ago, got married under similar circumstances. Two days later Eugene left for 3½ years of front-line duty in Germany before returning home in 1945. In 2011 this new young couple seems just as committed and in love.
There are those couples who are familiar with deployments and can be vast sources of help in warning others of the dangers to the health of a marriage which can occur when we don’t take seriously the special challenges of living separately due to military orders. They have safely navigated the twists and turns, and know the unique conditions under which a couple needs to take particular caution. Do you know some of these couples? Look around. . . ask around. . .pray to meet this couple who has lived victoriously in spite of the hazards. They have much wisdom to share.